When our little family first relocated to Illinois in the fall of 2007, I faced quite an adjustment. As a stay-at-home mom with a one year-old and no car, I fought feelings of loneliness and isolation. Women from our church quickly befriended me and went out of their way to include us, provide rides, and offer friendship. This greatly diminished my loneliness, but I still didn’t feel part of the community.
One fortuitous summer day, my neighbor introduced me to her back-yard neighbors, a young couple with two children similar in age to my daughter, Ella. I discovered that the mother, Jessica, brought her children to the Jacksonville Library Lap Sit each Friday morning. Somewhat new to the community herself, Jessica explained how the Lap Sit provided an outlet for both kids and moms. She offered us a ride to the next Lap Sit and our friendship began.
While I am not ordinarily shy, I experienced a bit of trepidation my first time visiting the group. What if everyone knew each other already? Who would I talk to? Would Ella feel comfortable? I needn’t have worried. The Lap Sit group, open to the community, consists of moms, dads, grandmas, and their newborns to three year-olds. I sat near Jessica with Ella in my lap the first few times, but this didn’t last long. Soon, I found myself talking with new parents each time, building friendships, trying to remember names. Meanwhile, Ella ventured into the circle to discover new friends and toys.
The Lap Sit, organized by a local early years program, is open to parents and children up to three years old. The group format consists of caretakers sitting in a circle surrounding toys, books and puzzles, creating a comfortable environment for group interaction. While much of the time is free to socialize, Ann, a parent educator from the program, introduces a new topic of discussion each week relevant to the children’s age group. Topics are chosen with parental input and include subjects such as sibling rivalry, why we play, brain development, and hitting. Ann begins the discussion and is there to provide professional insight, but encourages parents to utilize the time to share questions, experiences, and ideas.
The first time I joined one of these discussions, I was immediately impressed by how truly child-oriented the group felt. Ann encouraged the children to play freely, be loud, and learn through play. The adults simply adjusted to the children and comfortably talked, sometimes laughing at the noise surrounding us. I’d never experienced something quite like this and the atmosphere felt quite freeing – I wasn’t stressing that my child was too disruptive and she felt comfortable enjoying herself in an environment with different adults. More experienced children in the group will often find a place next to Ann each Friday to talk and play. Ann is excellent with the children, communicating on their level and inviting them to explore different things. I’ve learned a great deal from both her example and advice.
Participating in the lap sit has helped us build a friendship with our neighbors. In addition to the play group, we usually get together for play dates a few times a week and take turns driving our older children to preschool.
These pictures are from a Saturday morning. We borrowed a tool from our friends, the kids followed to play, and we ended up having a pizza lunch together.
Ella’s favorite time comes at the end of each Lap Sit. While most toddlers resist cleaning up at home, they enthusiastically pick up with their peers to prepare for singing time. The group usually sings along with two songs that get us up and moving. Creatures of habit, the toddler participants usually resist any changes to the song list. They especially love the walking song and the opportunity to move and dance with their parents. I smile as I look back at Ella’s evolution from standing firmly by my side, to venturing off a bit to dance, to standing in the middle of the group dancing without inhibition and calling out for “more!”
While I appreciate the discussion topics and fun toys, the real value in the Lap Sit for my family has come from building friendships with diverse people in my local community. Our friendships extend beyond the Lap Sit itself and we often arrange play dates throughout the week. When my kids and I visit the park or have an appointment at the pediatrician, chances are good that we’ll run into someone we know. If I have a question or possibly need a quick babysitting trade, I have a community I can turn to. The Lap Sit might seem like a small, morning’s diversion, but the benefits of these relationships have real value, whether you’re a first time mom or caring for your fifth child.
Ella comfortably moves toward the meeting room or the children’s area when we visit the library now. When we check out a book, the librarians will often have my account up before I can pull out my library card because they remember my name. The Children’s Librarian, Miss Christine, is always incredibly welcoming, stopping to chat, helping us find a book, or inviting us to participate in something special she’s planned. Two years after our move, we are so comfortable here because we are part of the community – this is our library.
Our Lap Sit group looks a bit different now. Some of our toddlers graduated Lap Sit and began a new adventure at pre-school. Many of these preschoolers attended Lap Sit from infancy. Several of the group’s moms, including me, have brought new babies to the group over the past year. I know this group has prepared both Ella and I for preschool and I’m looking forward to seeing my ten month-old son,Ezra, crawl into Miss Ann’s lap during future groups. The group started again in September, but Ezra is currently napping his way through it. He’ll change his schedule soon, as babies often do, and I’m excited to attend again with our next generation, to meet the new participants a fresh year brings – and to welcome them to our community.
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