Frustration, boredom, irritation, sad days; these are all normal parts of life. We feel them even when our life is on track, things are going well, and we generally find joy in every day. It’s common for people to use the term “I’m depressed today” casually, but living with Clinical Depression is more than having an occasional bad day.
Women in several online forums this week have confessed to feeling persistently down, unmotivated to do anything, exhausted, and hopeless. They feel alone and guilty, wondering why they feel this way when their lives should bring them joy. They ask “What’s wrong with me?” and “Does anyone else feel this way?” They consistently hear that they should be savoring these parenting moments, but they can’t.
I’ve provided tips for Parenting With Depression for readers with a current diagnosis, but what if you are wondering if you suffer from depression? How can you tell if you’re just going through a bad patch or if you need to seek treatment? If you are questioning your worth as a parent or feeling persistently hopeless, exhausted, or irritable, please know that you are not alone. These questions from helpguide.org are an important start to deciding if it’s time to seek help:
If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms—especially the first two—and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from depression.
- you feel hopeless and helpless
- you’ve lost interest in friends, activities, and things you used to enjoy
- you feel tired all the time
- your sleep and appetite has changed
- you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
- you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
- you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
- you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
If you answered “yes” to these, make an appointment with your doctor. If you want to explore this further, you can also take this Depression Screening Test, similar to your physician’s test.
If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, please know that you are not alone, you don’t need to feel guilty, and this does not make you a “bad parent.” About 13% of pregnant women and new mothers experience depression, according to womenshealth.gov. 11% of adults will experience a depressive disorder by the age of 18 and 50% of Americans with major depression won’t seek help, according to this sobering Huffington Post article.
The truth is that depression looks like me and like many people around you. Many people are suffering silently because of the stigmas associated with depression and because of fears about treatment, especially medication. People worry about having to try different medicines and about becoming addicted. One of the biggest concerns I see women express is the use of medication while pregnant or nursing.These fears keep many from seeking help and they are suffering needlessly.
Depression is an umbrella term that covers mild to major to seasonal to postpartum and doctors do not automatically prescribe medication. Many individuals commit to counseling and are able to tackle depression without drugs. Others will decide that medication, combined with counseling, is necessary. Some individuals even find relief in complementary therapies in conjunction with counseling, such as massage, acupuncture, and vitamins. If you have a good working relationship with your doctor, they will value your concerns and you will be able to trust their advice as you make treatment choices.
The risks of not seeking treatment are serious. If you are not eating or sleeping, overeating, if you are feeling anxious, if you are not taking care of your body, if you feel suicidal, these can all have adverse effects on you, your pregnancy, and your baby. Your health is important for you and your family.
There is no quick fix for depression, but you can be diagnosed with depression and live a joyful, fulfilling, energy-filled life. On average, it takes 10 to 20 weeks of psychotherapy to treat depression. Anti-depressants often take full effect after four to six weeks. Treatment won’t be an instant cure, but you can feel better.
Self Care is an important part of parenting. You deserve to be healthy and taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional health is good for your family as well. Allow yourself the time to build your toolbox of skills to deal with depression. Be patient with yourself through the process. Let go of guilt for days when depression effects your energy level or attitude. Find ways to get the breaks you need to build your emotional health.
Most of all, know that many great parents parent with depression.
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and I am not giving medical advice. Please speak to your doctor about specific treatments for depression and to create a treatment plan.
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