Hidden Disabilities in Children

If that mom would just… If she was more… If she was less… Has she tried? You see me parenting during a challenging moment, judgment and advice hovering at the tip of your tongue. My child is so clearly intelligent and capable, so what’s going on here?

That’s the trick with hidden disabilities in children.  You can’t see it just by looking at a child. It isn’t obvious in every interaction. It even masks itself as other things – obnoxiousness, rebellion, laziness, attention-seeking, know-it-allness, even apathy.

I’ve probably said all of the things you’re thinking to myself at some point. I know about traditional approaches, permissive parenting, and creative consequences. I’ve scoured Pinterest for charts and spent hours on elaborate ideas. But I’m still trying to figure it all out myself because it was invisible to me for a long time too.

The learning curve is steep and I often feel like I’m behind. You see, it took a lot of years to put the pieces together. Many years of trying different things with both success and failure. Putting all of the signs together now may seem obvious, but it all still feels like it sneaked up on me.

That’s the trick with hidden disabilities in children. It’s hard to see it from the outside, so it’s often mistaken for many things. It’s often hidden behind other behaviors; along with fear, anxiety, and incredible talents.

Maybe this sounds all-too-familiar to you. Maybe you’re idea of “normal” has been turned on it’s head and your new normal involves terms such as autism, NLD, ADHD, dyslexia, or learning disorders. Perhaps you feel guilty for not seeing it sooner or exhausted by a whole new language of special needs, educational plans, and diagnosis. It could be that you’re in a later stage of hope and progress. Most likely, you wouldn’t make your child “normal”if you could.

All children challenge the accepted “normal,” but some challenges require new approaches and creative parenting. What you’re witnessing might be me trying something new. It could be a proven approach that takes patience. It might be me winging or even losing my patience and messing up. It probably won’t look very traditional.

I think the most important thing we can do to support other parents is to redefine “normal,” and rethink the shoulds and one-size-fits-all approaches. What worked for our parents might not work for us. What we perfected with our oldest might be ineffective with our youngest.

Let’s look around us, knowing that so many parents are trying, hoping, calling to the heavens for patience, and fiercely loving their child the best that they can. Sometimes the best thing we can do is offer a smile of encouragement, walk by without drawing extra attention, and be patient with accommodations that may not seem necessary or obvious to us.