The more experience I gain as a parent, the more I realize that this simply means I panic less about what I don’t know.
I sent a message to a friend last week asking for parenting advice. She’s a mom of 1. I’m a mom of 3. She’s also done a ton of research about natural parenting and is the mother of an adorable, happy little girl. This is my third time with a baby, but his personality is uniquely his own and I wanted some new ideas for addressing late night comfort feedings without resorting to crying it out. I’m actually fairly comfortable and confident parenting a baby by now, but I still run into my fair share of conundrums and surprises. The main difference: I spend less time fretting and uncertain about it all (although I do sometimes do the “breathing check” when baby mysteriously sleeps for long stretches) and trust my instincts more.
When it comes to parenting my older children, however, I often feel ill-equipped and unprepared. You need new parenting skills as your children grow and you’re developing them on the spot. The old methods of distraction and incentives no longer work like they used to. As kids grow older, they remember everything. They also push boundaries. And push. And push. And push. Consequences have to be consistent and it often feels like sticking to your guns and taking away privileges such as tv and play dates are also a punishment for you.
Some days I feel fairly capable as a mom and there are even those rare days where I am elated by success. There’s nothing like the first time your baby sleeps through the night, conquering potty training, seeing your little girl write “I love you”, or watching your children play together in harmony. Other days (and weeks) I feel like a colossal failure, temperamental, frustrated, impatient, and uncertain about what to do next. As your children grow and gain autonomy, you have to quickly learn how to adapt. What worked yesterday has no guarantee of success today.
I have a few new things we’re trying and a few to update about on the blog, namely our infamous toy room emptying and our Choose the Right/Choose the Wrong jars. I hope to write about those over the next week or so if you’re interested.
All of this musing about parenting, combined with my kids suddenly growing too tall for all of their pants, is making me realize that our family is growing beyond toddler and babyhood. I think it’s time for me to expand my blogging community a bit. Any recommendations for moms like me who write about the ups and downs of parenting kids of different ages? I’m not necessarily looking for professional blogs, but other moms to connect with.
Nate is in full on small child mode now. He’s only 2.5 so I keep wanting to call him a toddler but he is in the boundary pushing, pushing, pushing phase. Testing limits and patience and rules and it is all so frustrating most days. I too am having to adjust on the spot and try new tactics…we are in what I like to call a ‘growing phase’ or an ‘adjustment phase’ where what used to work isn’t working and we need to find new things that work.