I met two new moms at the pool together last week and ended up talking with them for quite some time. They were clearly great friends and it came up in conversation that one mom home schooled her son and the other sent her kids to public school. In the course of our conversation, I loved how they obviously respected each other’s choices and had no difficulty talking about schooling. The mom who home schooled her son said she did it because it was “right for her son,” but she didn’t know what choice she’d make with her baby. I talked to her about the reasons I want to send my daughter to preschool and school and she nodded with understanding. She then said something to the effect of, “You just have to do what’s right for you and your child. It’s not about one thing being right for everyone.”
I was thrilled – and I hope I run into her again at the pool. So often, we get so defensive about our choices, especially when it comes to our kids. At times, I feel like talking about parenting is like stepping in quick sand with some moms. I trust myself as a mom, I respect other moms, I take in different ideas, and then at the end of the day I decide for myself. I wish we could just talk about our ideas and choices without worrying about convincing everyone else – where I have my baby, where my children are schooled, my religion, my political views, what my family eats – I wish we could just talk about these things without feeling that we have to convince everyone that our way is the only way or feeling that a dissenting opinion is a criticism.
I’m not sure where this came from today, but I’ve been reading different blogs and talking to people lately and it was on my mind. Sometimes I’m worried we’ve lost the art of real dialogue and finding it with these women was like discovering treasure.
This is so true and it’s a good reminder to all of us that what’s good for some kids might not be for others. We don’t have to judge others for doing things their way when our way doesn’t work for them. Thank you for posting this, it was a good reminder for me to be open minded and learn from others.
Thanks for your viewpoint Rebecca. I actually find that “mainstream” moms and those who choose alternatives tend to be “in your face.” I guess I just find moms who tend to be into alternative stuff so defensive (probably for the reasons you describe) and, honestly, often “greater than thou” about their choices. It’s often as if, by choosing mainstream medicine and supporting the school system, you must be uneducated and ignorant. I usually just don’t bother to go into these topics because they’re too darn sensitive. And, honestly, both of these moms were cool and open – not just the homeschooling mom. I guess I kind of sit in a strange place with the people I associate with – I’m not really into alternative meds or schooling (while lots of Tim’s family is) and I’m also fairly politically liberal (which most of my friends and family are not). So, I’m close minded for not being into alternative stuff (although I do plenty of research) and too open to the world because of my political views (which I also consider informed). So, I get it from both directions and just shout for joy when I find someone who isn’t in my face and so defensive that we can’t even talk about things.