Thank you to everyone who sent in questions for “Ask Me Anything!” Boy was I relieved when that first question made it’s way into my inbox! I’m very excited because I received questions from new readers, regular readers, and one of my sisters. They are terrific questions and many of them pretty meaty – in fact most of them could make for their own blog post! Here it goes:
How did you decide it was time to have a second child, how was it having sleepless nights the second time around (this is my biggest worry, not having enough energy for the first kid if the 2nd one is sapping it), and etc. etc. anything you could expand on would be helpful.I would love any posts about how to deal with 2 kids at once, particularly in the newborn stages!
My Answer: The truth is, an only child wasn’t really ever an option for us (unless nature decided for us, of course). We knew we wanted our little girl to have sibling(s), so it was really a question of timing. Since I was 25 when we got married, I didn’t want to wait too long to start our family. I gave birth to Ella right before our 2 year anniversary, nursed her for 13 months, and wanted a bit of time before getting pregnant again. My sister above me is a little more than 2 years older and I thought that this was a good age gap. The decision to start trying for our second was really about timing – what was the closest we wanted our kids to be and how long could it potentially take to get pregnant?
The truth is, just like you’ll never have enough money, or enough time, or really be “prepared” for your first, the same is true for your second. We just felt like the time was right for us and went for it. A lot of people told me that two is hard, but you have two hands so you’re not outnumbered yet. It is difficult and exhausting, especially at first. There is definitely guilt related to your first and and jealousy to deal with and a constant demand for your attention.
But it’s worth it. Your heart expands to love your second and your first child’s heart will expand too. There are so many amazing lessons to be learned from having a sibling and I think Ezra has been so great for Ella and vice versa. It is easier now that they are older and play together, but it was sweet when he was little too. Just as I discovered new strengths as a first time mother, new talents and abilities emerged the second time around. It’s challenging, but incredible too.
How do you make time just for you and your husband? How do you find a good balance between being a mom and a wife? We have a 5 month old daughter and sometimes I have a really hard time balancing it all. My entire day is devoted to her, so when she goes to bed at night, I really want time to myself. But I know that’s selfish because I should want to spend time with my husband as well.
And just for fun, is there one thing you’ve always wanted to do or a place you really want to go?
My Answer: The question of balance is always a tricky one. I think that, honestly, you simply don’t have as much time and energy to devote to your spouse when your babies are still little. I think it’s important not to feel guilty for wanting time to yourself and to recognize that your spouse often needs time to unwind as well.
Here’s how things typically go in our home: We have dinner together as soon as dad gets home because the kids are starving. I tend to talk his ear off during dinner because I crave that adult contact and I miss him. Then it’s some family time. We alternate which parent puts which kid to bed, then have a couple of hours before we head to be ourselves.
I think that Tim and I have generally found a balance that works fairly well for us – sometimes we’re just happy to be in the same room doing our own thing, whether that’s reading a book, computer time, watching a show, etc. We’ll chat occasionally and sometimes consciously do an activity together, but it’s not necessary. Then we try to be sure to reconnect for a few moments before bed.
My other tip: Date nights. Date nights. Date nights. Even if you just go out to eat or play games with friends, do it. It makes a big difference.
Something I’ve always wanted to do: Sky Dive!
What do you miss MOST from high school? And what do you miss LEAST?
My Answer: Honestly, I don’t miss much.But what I do remember as being great about those years was the anticipation involved. I loved imagining my life ahead, dreaming of what could be, and anticipating the future (I still do this now, but it was different when I was 16). I loved dreaming about that cute guy, wondering if he liked me, the first kiss. There’s a sweetness to all those firsts, to the crushes, to the dreaming that you only really experience as a teenager.
The thing I miss the least is how so much of my life felt out of my control. High school is so much about a specific routine and being compelled to do so much. I really wanted to be heard when I was in high school, to sort of skip forward into what I imagined adulthood to be. Sometimes high school and the people there involved so much drama, spite, and gossip. It was tiresome.
Here goes my probing:
1) How on earth do you make your Friday date night babysitting swaps work? I can’t imagine dealing with multiple kids (belonging to other parents, no less!) who are hungry, tired, etc. from 6-10pm. Feel like sharing more details on how it flows? The idea of having regular date nights are so enticing but the logistics seem like they might be a nightmare!
2) What are some of your favorite things about being from Washington state?
3) How do you personally adjust/adapt when your religious views may contradict with current social views?
My Answer: Our babysitting swap works so well because one of the moms involved, Heather, is extremely organized. She keeps us on schedule each month and we are so grateful! The truth is, when it is your night to babysit, you sometimes wonder if it’s worth it. But then when you have your 2 to 3 date nights where you can put all your money toward the dates and not babysitting, it all feels worth it. It does take quite a bit of patience and you just sort of have to relax and not fuss too much. Our solution currently is to feed the kids dinner, let them play until 7:30 or 8 and then put down blankets and pop in a movie. The older kids are often entertained by video games, so that helps. But it is not easy.
2. Ah, I adore that Washingtonians are surrounded by the ocean, mountains, lakes, and trees! I can’t tell you how much I miss the site and smell of the ocean! I also think that growing up knowing that putting up with the rain allows for the most gorgeous scenery helps Washingtonians understand the importance of perspective. Oh, and I love how you can find people on both ends of the liberal and conservative spectrum who are total granola greenies!
3. Well, I often find that I am one of the more liberal people in a group of conservatives and one of the more conservative people in a group of liberals. I guess I can say that my life experience has been that, as I’ve lived my religion and followed my faith, it’s brought me joy and peace. I try not to get in people’s faces with my religious views, but I don’t want to hide them either. I definitely think there are values that are timeless. As I live a life that embraces these values and people see the joy it brings, I think my actions speak for me.
How are you and your sisters a like? What would you say is a “May Trait?” What one unique trait do you think makes each woman (including yourself) stand out as an individual? What is one thing each of your sisters has taught you?
My Answer: In case you can’t tell, these questions come from my oldest sister
I think I’ll tackle the “May Trait” first. I’ve been joking a bit about this with our mom lately. The term sounds like a criticism, but I don’t really mean it to be. I think we all have a bit of the “know it all” about us. Each one of us loves to gather information, to share our ideas and discoveries, and to talk. My blog is a glaring example of this. I had a nice family blog, got into cloth diapering, and then expanded my blog to share more of my thoughs. I can see that desire to know, to be an expert on things, and to talk about it in different forms and extremes in all of us. This is one of the reasons I’m so grateful we all have different talents and interests – this way there is room for 4 “know it alls” to coexist. ;0)
I have 3 older sisters and I think we are all strong-willed, intelligent, and determined. I think each one of us can come on like a mac truck at times, but we’re really softies at heart. I think we all care deeply for those around us and love fiercely. I think we have had a tendency to focus on our differences, but have so many great traits in common.
Unique Traits and How They’ve Influenced/Taught Me:
Meredith is bold and likes to try new things. She is the one who took on ice hockey in her 30s and likes to guest dj for the radio station. She inspires me to take risks and have confidence in myself.
Merilee is a mama bear. She has an enormous capacity to love, to endure things with those she loves, and she is very protective of them. She helps me feel loved and nurtured and inspires me to care for others in my life in the same way.
McKinzie is incredibly determined and has a rock solid faith. She has admirable faith in the power of prayer and this helps her make choices with such a surety. She inspires me and helps me understand how faith and prayer can direct our lives.
Me? Hmm…you tell me. I think maybe I’m the Switzerland of the group, although I’m not entirely sure why. I think I am a unique because I am deeply passionate about just about everything, but life experience has helped me to approach life with a level head.
I describe the “know it all” trait by saying we’re all strong women. Sometimes I joke with mom saying, “What did you expect when you raised us to be strong women?” Did it seem like I was just fishing for compliments? Well, maybe a little. Mostly I was just trying to cause trouble, but you took it in stride. Also, please read my latest blog and tell others to too. I want input about reading as a child. Love ya!
Thanks for answering these questions! You’re a brave woman to put the “ask me anything” question out there!
I’m so with you on the high school thing! You summed it up well! The sweetness of all the firsts mixed in with all the drama, lack of control. Ugh.
***Ally
I’m curious to see how Meredith would answer her own questions. I’m still trying to figure out how I’d answer it.
Kinzie