I’m in the midst of cleaning (ie. scrubbing and disinfecting this pig-sty) this morning and I have this sudden fantasy of having a maid. You know how people with maids always talk about how they have to “pick up” before the maid comes over to do the “real cleaning”? Suddenly that sounded amazing.
With a 3 1/2 yr old, 16 month old, two adults, and a part-time writing gig, sometimes picking up another toy or mopping the floor after the third spill of the day isn’t on the top of my list. This morning I just couldn’t take the mess anymore and I’ve been at it all day (shhh…hubs is outside in the yard. Don’t tell him I took a break). In fact, I even picked up and cleaned our bedroom which tends to be, sadly, on the bottom of the list because, really, you can just shut the door. No one should be looking in your bedroom anyway, right? But we see it. And it needed to be cleaned. Desperately.
While a maid is incredibly appealing (and way outside of my budget), I know it’s something I would probably never have unless I faced some kind of physical limitations. Right now, teaching the kids to care for their things, pick up, and learn responsibilities often takes twice the work of just doing everything myself. But this won’t always be the case. Well, it shouldn’t always be the case. And if I don’t put in the work now, it will certainly be twice as difficult later.
Case in point: I associate with some terrific youth through my church. Currently, my “calling” or volunteer responsibility is the lead the young women’s program for 12 to 18 year-old girls. We teach Sunday lessons, help with Wednesday night activities each week, etc. Until recently, I assumed that these young women had regular chores, responsibilities, and expectations like I did growing up. I mean, we did chores throughout the week and then Saturday was deep clean day. And everyone contributed.
During the recent past, our Sunday lessons focused on the broader theme of “Contributing to Family Life” over several weeks. Lessons were titled ‘Sharing Work in the Home,” Living in Love and Harmony,” Improving Communication Skills,” and “A Young Woman as a Peacemaker in Her Home.” These were all Christ-centered lessons that focused on how the young women (and all family members really) can contribute to peace, unity, and spirituality in their homes.
One week I taught the “Sharing Work in the Home” lesson and began with what I considered to be a very straight-forward question: “What are some of your responsibilities in your home?” The response: Silence. I tried wording it other ways, inserting in “chores” or “duties” for “responsibilities.” Silence. I said, “You know. Do you empty the dishwasher? Clean your room?” Silence. One sweet girl, when asked directly, ventured to say, “I’m expected to get good grades and do well in sports.” Admirable, but not exactly what I was looking for. They then went on to say that they “helped” with things when asked. I was shocked.
But the truth is, I probably shouldn’t have been. I am told so often how things are more difficult for teens now, how steep college admission expectations are, how many obligations teens have. today. And maybe things are more difficult. But people were saying the exact same things about teenagers in the ’90s too. Getting good grades, excelling in sports, and getting enough rest will always be important for teens. But do they have to come at the expense of responsibility in the home?
This post is not intended to be a judgement of the parents of these girls. Who knows how things really work in their homes or the personal needs of their children? Instead, it’s just a personal wake-up call for me. Because, as much as I hate to admit it, the responsibilities I had growing up helped to shape me as a person, prepared me to care for my own home later in life, and taught me appreciation for our home. I may not have realized it then, but I can see what a blessing it was to have parents who expected me to contribute in age-appropriate ways.
Although it might feel like extra work now to teach my children to work and to care for our home, in the long run it will be worth it…maybe ten years from now when they are fighting over who has to do what in the kitchen and Tim and I are lounging on the couch enjoying an evening chat (yeah, right.)
On a more serious note, here is a quote I love from one of these lessons:
*** I wrote this post this morning and I’ve been fascinated by the comments by Erin and Elizabeth. In thinking it over, the issue isn’t really a maid or a housekeeper. It’s about having responsibilities and expectations in your family. It’s about contributing to your home and recognizing the work and care it takes to have a clean, well-organized home. It’s about not leaving the cap off the milk and leaving it on the counter for someone else to pick up, taking out the trash when it’s full without being asked, and learning how to are for a home when you are older (this is true for boys and girls). And, especially important to me, it’s about understanding why your mom shouldn’t be responsible for everything. It sounds like families can have a housekeeper and accomplish this. That’s good news to me! ***
We do have a housekeeper. But I still never stop cleaning. I don’t know what I’d do without her and I am so lucky to have her.
I did have chores growing up and I am teaching my girls responsibility in this way as well (though they are only 4 now). I can just barely keep up with the day-to-day stuff and I’m a little OCD about cleaning….I should probably relax a bit about it.
I like the idea behind this post, but I’ve had someone come in to clean for the last month, two hours a week and it’s made a huge difference in my life. My kids see me work all the time — for over a year I milked goats (until 7 months pregnant with my second), I make cheese and yogurt and bread, I write, still clean a bunch, etc. But it’s a load off my back to come home to a clean house one day a week and I keep it up pretty well the rest of the week now that I can see how things should be organized. Anyway, my kids will be expected to pitch in when older, but their housecleaning loads will be lightened depending on how intensely they are involved with and excel at music, school, sports, etc. I prefer scholarships to clean houses. I only have so much energy and I want to use it on the things that will really develop myself and my family.
Nothing — NOTHING — is more humbling than milking a goat, by the way.
I grew up on a farm and nothing, absolutely nothing, will teach you the value of work more than getting up at 6am for days on end during the summer vacation to plow fields for your dear father!
Looking back on it, one thing I appreciate is that I was never given a chore that my parents weren’t willing to actually do themselves or help me to accomplish if I needed help. I look forward to doing “chores” together with my little ones and making quality time out of things that need to be done anyways.
I also look at some seasonal chores that I HATED HATED HATED growing up, such as working in the garden or canning food. My parents get the last laugh (on a regular basis, actually) when I call them for advice on these very topics. I definitely didn’t pay enough attention growing up.
In regards to your thoughts about the next generation, it seems like each generation knows less than the previous one in regards to home management, cooking, crafting, etc. I’m looking forward to reversing this cycle with my little ones.
Sorry so wordy, I just had lots of thoughts on your post.
ps. having a housekeeper would be lovely!!!