Monday evening, I took my 3 year-old to the grocery store. Dad kept the baby so we could divide and conquer. I knew going in that my “I won’t ride in the cart. I’m a big girl. I can walk” Ella would add a good 30 minutes onto the trip. I was resigned to that and wouldn’t have minded the extra time except for one thing. Everywhere we went, I heard “I want.” Persistently. Non stop. Without end. So, not only is she dragging her feet, stopping to look at everything, and occasionally running off, everywhere we go I hear the same refrain: “I want….”
By the end of the shopping trip, after the bakery gave her a free cookie, with her special new drink cup in hand, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was taking her out of the cart (which I finally made her ride in just to get a move on toward the end) and putting her in the car. I heard myself say, “I don’t want to hear you say ‘I want’ for the rest of the car ride home!” And I meant it.
Wednesday, we traveled into Springfield as a special treat to have lunch, ride the carousel at the mall, and run around the indoor play area with friends. Things went surprisingly well. Just a few “I wants,” but mostly a great time. Ella and her friend looked so sweet holding hands and hugging. She was happy with her two trips on the carousel. She ran around the play area without complaint. In fact, she even passed by the unicorns at the Build a Bear and I told her she could earn one and she was cool with it.
Then came the disastrous end of our fun day out. Ezra had been running in and out of the play area for about 5 minutes. I’d tried to keep it from becoming a game, but you know how it goes. Ella started to run off (a willful problem we are trying to conquer) and I thought she was just playing along. Then she really ran off. Fast. Far. With abandon. I called. I yelled. I ran with my heavy 16 month old in my arms. I was actually afraid. Thankfully, she ran into a store and I caught up with her. I was furious.
I guess, even though we’d been discussing our responsibilities chart, talking about less whining and hitting, and the concept of earning this stuffed animal, her desire to have that unicorn won out. So she ran for it. She wanted that unicorn now.
We’ve since got back on track with our chart and it’s tricky. I don’t want to expect too much, but I also know that now is the time to teach her to appreciate things and expect good behavior from her. In the long, run it will be good. I want to give her that unicorn, but I also know she will benefit from learning to earn it.
I also think that in the midst of all of this, I am feeling a bit guilty because, frankly, I want too.
And I think that Heavenly Father is trying to teach me patience right now. Teaching me with some difficult and challenging lessons. It reminds me of wanting to find a husband in my twenties and thinking it seemed impossible. I could hear a distinct prompting say to me, “Be patient.”It was difficult, a true challenge for me, but worth it.
When I decide to work on something, do something, have something, I want to start now. So, when we decided the time was right for a third baby, it happened so quickly, and then was taken away, it felt so wrong to me. I’d decided it was time and I wanted things to work out now. There is potential right now for a big change for my family, a new and exciting opportunity. But it’s moving slowly. And it might not happen. And thinking about it, knowing there’s nothing to decide right now, being patient is so difficult for me. I want something to happen and I want it now.
So, next time my Ella says “I want” for the thousandth time, asks me for a cookie again, or wants to discuss how to earn her unicorn, perhaps I should how a little more patience. Because, frankly, I have a few unicorns I want right now too.
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Oh Mindy, how I relate!!!!! It seems that the more I try to teach patience, the less I have. Some silly sense of irony there.
I, too, want the unicorn. Now. But like you said, you’re doing a good job of teaching Ella – and being consistent and following through in those teachings.
As for you ~ Identifying it and admitting it shows me that you’re actively working on it. But don’t forget to cut yourself some slack here and there too!
We’re all human. And by that, inherently selfish IMO.
Love your blogs …. *T*
God is definitely trying to teach me patience through parenting as well. And, like you, I have a tendency to want what I want on my terms and in my timing. I can relate all to well to all aspects of your post. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog when I get time!
Great post. I want too, too often.
I find telling my children not to use that phrase works quite well. We then follow up with the “needs” vs. “wants” discussion.
Sounds like you are on the right track with her.
that is too funny Mindy! sounds like you have your hands full and with our children being the same age I had to giggle to myself reading your blog. I keep waiting for the “he’ll grow out of it” phase to come – still waiting – still waiting lol
A very honest and thoughtful post. I am happy we haven’t hit the “i Want” phase. My daughter just tells me “I am getting a new doll” she just assumes everything! Then when I say No, she says “someday!”
I can SO relate to this post! Just this morning I had had it with my girls yelling and screaming at each other. I caught myself *yelling* down the stairs at them to “stop yelling”! Seriously?! Maybe I should lead by example!! I appreciated your comment you left me. I’m so glad my kids aren’t the only ones going through this “phase”. Sometimes I start to think it’s my fault, that I’ve done something wrong raising them! Being a parent is NOT easy! There are so many challenges, but the rewards sure do make up for them! To have my girls come give me a hug or kiss, or say they love me makes me forget about the hard times!