“Your Life Must be So Hard”

Sometimes when our kids get fussy or onery or whiney, you’ll hear Tim or I tease them, “Oh, your life must be so hard” or “You have such a bad life.” We, of course, think our kids have a cushy life. Their every need is looked after. Someone makes their meals, cleans their clothes, drives them around, wipes their bums, and provides for their material needs. They get to nap in the middle of the day, it’s cute when they have round bellies, and they are encouraged to play all day. It can’t get much better than that, can it?

I had a funny experience recently that caused me to try to see things from their perspective though. It was a small thing, really. We were headed out somewhere one evening and I decided to pull the two sides of my hair back in  rubber bands, creating two pigtails.This did the job at first and the small tug on each side even felt kind of good. But, as the evening progressed and my heavy hair pulled on those rubber bands, the pig tails didn’t feel so good. By the time I went to bed, my head hurt a little bit. And suddenly I felt guilty for being so annoyed by my daughter’s habit of pulling things out of her hair after a few hours.

I try taming Ella’s hair on a regular basis with barretts, clips, rubber bands, and head bands. She usually makes it a few hours before she asks to get them out. I usually try to distract her and change the subject, but she is insistent. And now I know why. It must be annoying having to convince someone on a regular basis that you don’t care what your hair looks like, you just want to get those annoying things pulling on your scalp out now!

This little glimpse into her life made me realize that, for a toddler, life must feel like a series of limitations some days. If my mom mojo is off one day or we are just not seeing eye to eye, a day in the life of Ella might feel like this:
* No you may not have ice cream for breakfast. Your choices are oatmeal or cereal.
* Maybe you can have ice cream later, but not for breakfast.
* You’ll have to have cereal tomorrow. You chose oatmeal today. No, we don’t have cereal for lunch.
* I know you want to watch a show, but it’s time to get ready for school.
* Brush your teeth. Stand still why I brush your hair. Quit moving your head. No, there’s no time to watch a show.
* Can you please go find your shoes? We can’t wear those shoes today, it’s raining. Yes, sandals are shoes. But it’s raining.
* I know you want fruit snacks, but it’s lunch time. Maybe at snack time. Would you like a sandwich or yogurt? No, I don’t have any cheese.
* Do this.
* Please get off of there.
* You need to listen.
* Would you like a time out?
* 1….2….
* We’ve been at the park for two hours. It’s time to go home.
* It is quiet time. Get in your room!
* We can’t go outside right now. Yes, I know that you want to. Mommy has to make dinner. Get your hand off the door!
* It’s time to turn off the show. Yes, now. No.
* How long has it been since you’ve gone potty?

And all she’s thinking is this:
Can’t I just have a day where I get to do whatever I want, eat whatever I want, go wherever I want, and stay up as late as I want – just like you, Mom?

I guess we never want what we have.