Hitting with Your Mouth – PYHO

Today I’m joining Shell at Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out. I hope you’ll visit her blog and read some of the other posts linked to this as well.

It’s not new to me that the mouth can be a vicious weapon. I can distinctly recall random moments in my life when someone’s words slashed across my emotions. My reaction made them powerful because they angered me, silenced me, stopped me from moving forward, or reduced me to tears. I carried the wounds with me for a time and could repeat those words back when I felt frustrated, hurt, alone, or defensive.

I grew up amongst sisters, where words are the preferred weapon of choice, both defensively and offensively. We rarely ventured into the physical once we passed toddlerhood – except for the occasional snapped bra – and I never experienced the roughing up some of my friends with brothers received. But I learned quickly that words can bite, sting, belittle, and silence. A carefully chosen phrase or a criticism cloaked in sarcasm can be more effective than any punch and is often remembered long after.

I am entirely guilty of using words as defense mechanisms, to camouflage my insecurities, and to protect myself and my pride. I’ve born the guilt of uttering what can’t be taken back. I’ve witnessed my words cause another pain. I’ve seen words put unnecessary distance between me and the people I love. And I’ve learned that hurtful words never bring the expected satisfaction. Any derived pleasure is momentary and the effects of misplaced and unkind words are bitter without the sweet. When I catch myself wielding words through gossip, contention, defensiveness, or sarcasm, I strive to stop myself, acknowledge what I’m doing, and apologize. I don’t always get it right and often screw it up, but I know it’s important to keep trying. I also expect the people I love to call me out on it and to demand more of me – which my kind husband thankfully does when I am being petty or hurtful,  usually because I’m being defensive.

As an adult, I’ve come to understand how powerful and destructive someone’s words – combined with their attitude and demeanor – can be. I’ve experienced moments of rash, irrational, and deeply hurtful words on rare occasions, but this has thankfully never been something I’ve consistently dealt with. It’s horrible how someone can expertly, concisely, and cruelly wield words to control others, keep them guessing, and manipulate their emotions. It’s unbearable that some people constantly wonder what they’re going to get when they approach someone, but love them so much that they’ll put up with what comes their way. It’s heart wrenching that some families tip toe around someone, accommodate their random whims, and soak up their moments of kindness like manna from heaven. Words can be hurtful, but they can also make others truly miserable, bitter, and small. As can the things that are unsaid. And words can be just as hurtful as a slap.

This topic has been like a weight across my shoulders, twisting my stomach in knots, crowding out my thoughts. I need to let it go somehow, stop allowing it to consume me, and I’m hoping this post will be the way.  In order to move on, in my heart I feel that I have to say this: If a loved one has a temper that keeps everyone on edge, has great highs, but terrible lows, causes people to cower, cringe, or put on masks to  hide their emotions through their words, this is not acceptable. It’s not normal. And their loved ones deserve better.