I seem to have caught it lately. My mouth is on overdrive, moving fast as lightening, spewing my thoughts faster than I can think them. This happens to me occasionally, but I haven’t suffered from it in awhile. It’s not even that I’m necessarily saying the wrong things or being offensive (although that certainly happens), it’s just that I’m saying too much, overwhelming people, talking out of turn.
A friend invited several ladies and their kids over for lunch yesterday. I said to myself on the drive over, Mindy, check your mouth at the door. I already overwhelmed two moms at my daughter’s swim lessons on Tuesdays, talking, talking, talking. One of them was clearly thinking, Would you stop talking already? and she came to the luncheon. I like her and didn’t want her to begin thinking that I am that obnoxious women who never shuts up and doesn’t know how to listen.
But I didn’t follow my own advice. The conversation involved six women, including me, and every other or every every other turn seemed to be mine. How obnoxious! Yet I didn’t stop. It was as if I couldn’t. My mouth felt like a train set on course, running round and round a track, perpetually going, never stopping to refuel. Ugh. I felt so embarrassed.
There are a few new women in the area who are in my age group. I despise it, but I think some of my insecurities crop up when I meet new people. Especially when it means a comfortable circle of friends will expand to include them. I love meeting new people, think it’s exciting to find new friends, but I think something deep down in me felt threatened. The monster inside of me who lurks in my deepest, darkest corners emerges to the light at times like these and tells me the age old lies They won’t like you. You’ll be left out. You are too blunt, bold, sarcastic, self-interested. Too much. You won’t fit in here.
Whenever that monster plagues me, my worst characteristics surface. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy and I detest it. When a good friend called to clear the air yesterday because I’d been tactless and mean, but overly sensitive myself lately – you know the old you can dish it out, but you can’t take it – I knew it was time to grapple this beast by the horns as I have many times before and kick it to the curb.
Today I refuse to let those lies resurface anymore. And I won’t live in fear that my over run mouth has somehow left the wrong first impression that can not be erased.
I am outspoken at times. I don’t always say the right thing. The truth is, not everyone likes me. But I am not those lies. And when I live my life confidently, seeking the best in myself, giving others the benefit of the doubt, and laughing at my foibles, this is becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as well.
I too have this problem. I try to control it but sometimes I just blah blah blah. I know people are being driven crazy but I can’t help it!
I probably don’t say enough. And I have no friends. Which sucks. I mean, I do but they aren’t nearby. My friends and I have a strict honesty policy. We will tell them what we think if they ask. With warning. It’s a great pact to have, because then you know you’re not getting a line of bull.
It’s good that you have friends that will clear the air. I am REALLY hard to get along with, and I seem to like you well enough. It’s not that I’m mean or snarky.. wait, nevermind. I am. Girls have always been mean to me. I’m a common sense type of woman. I don’t stand for women in their 20s and 30s to act like 13 year olds. Other than that, I’m pretty cool with diversity. I have one friend who if I call will talk the whole time without interruption. I speak when she takes a breath and that’s about it. But it’s very cathartic for her, and it does my heart good to not feel so alone. You won’t get kicked out of your group of friends. God is there for you. I need to take this advice myself most of the time.. but really, you’re okay.
Oh girl, I totally understand this. Been there so many times. I get so sick of feeling that way too.
Changing things about ourselves is so difficult! I’m sure it’s not as bad as you feel it is, but when you feel that way, it’s hard to see past it.
Insecurities tend to make me talk too much around friends I know and not enough around people I don’t know. I think you are a wise woman that you not only recognize it, but you also see the deep roots of why. That in itself will help people see the real you!
-Ally
When I get insecure about new people and situations I usually don’t have anything to say. Or, I can somehow manage to break out the charm but live in fear that eventually they’ll become acquainted with ‘the real me’ and figure out that I’m really just weird. Which, I’m okay with being weird; I like myself, but I’m not always sure others will find me ‘endearingly odd’ like I do. 🙂 I think you’re good to have around because you CAN talk. You’re the kind of person I pray for in an uncomfortable–AKA for me, EVERY–social situation.
I am a very awkward person, and I tend to ramble on. Unfortunately I tend to speak exactly what is on my mind, and it doesn’t always make sense.