Putting a Face with the “Other”

It used to be easier to live in a bubble and surround yourself with like-minded people.  The world felt smaller before we all became interconnected through technology.  Even ten years ago, it seemed more straight-forward to think of those with different views than yours as the “other,” to dismiss “them” as misinformed, ignorant, hateful, stupid, and on and on.  It’s much simpler to vilify others when you don’t know them personally and can’t associate a name with them.

Then came along social networking.  Suddenly, we found ourselves connected to someone we went to high school with and haven’t talked to for ten years.  Your cousin who lives across the country is magically one click away.  An old co-worker who you always liked posts regular pictures of her new baby.  You decide to start a blog and discover a diverse group of blogging friends.  These bloggers hail from different parts of the country, even extending beyond it, and have varying backgrounds.  You’re thrilled to discover that, even though you might have differing political affiliations and religious beliefs, you can relate on so many significant parts of life.

Your old  habits of labeling seem more harsh and judgmental now.  It was so straightforward before: If you were pro-life, you called the opposition pro-abortion.  If you’re for marriage equality, the others must be against gay rights.  You’ve become sick of political correctness, so anyone who calls for sensitivity in language is a foolish bleeding heart.  You are staunchly against organized religion, so those who affiliate themselves with religion are simpleminded Bible-thumpers.

You’ve never built a friendship with a homosexual before and you haven’t given much thought to gay rights. Things become more complicated when a friend you’ve come to love and admire through her blog introduces you to her partner, whom you come to value as a friend.  Your deeply held belief that God intends marriage to be between a man and  a woman doesn’t change, but you find yourself on your knees more about the subject, you are more aware of the language you use, and it becomes important to you to support laws promoting equality in housing and employment.  While you and your friends will most likely never see eye to eye on this issue, you care about their point of view, feel compassion regarding their frustrations, and are more aware of your own biases and prejudices.

Your ability to dismiss conservatives as heartless, money-grubbing fools is challenged when you reconnect with a college roommate you always viewed as intelligent, well-informed, and thoughtful on facebook.  The two of you exchange several wall posts reminiscing about the old days and catching up.  You are unpleasantly surprised when he begins actively posting links with commentary to conservative opinion pieces, Fox news stories, and to his own blog posts sharing his personal analysis of the issues of today.  At first, you think to dismiss him.  After actually reading his commentary and posts, however, you realize that he is still intelligent, thoughtful, and well-informed.  While you disagree with many of his viewpoints, his ideas are thought-provoking and he helps you to better understand opposing ideas.

Social networking hasn’t suddenly solved all of our social ills and isn’t likely to.  But, by making the world smaller, it connects us to a wider, more diverse group of people.  As we consider complex issues and information, putting a face to an ideology, view, or idea has the potential to change our behavior.  Rather than seeing the other side as “them,” we associate those views with Jane, Paul, Laura, Sam, etc.

When we build loving relationships with others, we are more likely to see how both sides of an issue can consist of good, passionate people fighting for what they believe in.  We are less likely to believe quotes taken out of context, ideas promoted by biased organizations, and the fallacies of our own prejudices.  It becomes possible to see how the other side is pro-something, rather than against us.

We won’t magically agree and or differences won’t disappear, but my hope is that our understanding and compassion will increase.  Our language will change.  Our ability to have respectful dialog will improve.  We will learn to disagree without vilifying the other side.