Family night was fast approaching on Monday and I needed a plan for the evening’s lesson. I decided to grab the children’s magazine for our church and quickly found an activity I thought would engage the kids. The lesson involved a short story and some cut-outs for the kids to place on the correct picture puzzle-style. I hoped it would engage Ezra in placing the pieces and that the lesson would work for Ella.
The simple story told of a mom and daughter who went on a grocery shopping trip, with the daughter helping along the way. She sees a sticker book she wants at the check-out and asks her mom to buy it. Her mom kindly replies, “Not today.” When the pair get home, the mom talks to her little girl about how she wants her to learn to earn and save for some of the things she wants. First, they figure out the cost of the sticker book, then work out a plan to earn some money, save it, and pay tithing as well. Eventually the little girl buys her book and feels the satisfaction of saving for it.
Ella’s interest in the story surprised me a bit. She has a little wallet her Grandma Cathy gave her with some change and money in it. She immediately asked about how she could earn and save money too. The next afternoon, our house was a pig-sty and I asked the kids to help clean up. Ella did so with gusto, picking up for a very long time, doing it with enthusiasm, and helping even when her brother didn’t. I decided this was a great time to apply the principles we’d discussed and help her earn some money.
Ella earned a dollar that evening doing various tasks and couldn’t have been more thrilled. I think that allowance is tricky – I want my kids to know that contributing to household tasks is an important aspect of being a part of a family and won’t always be compensated. For example, picking up after yourself, clearing dishes, and getting ready for bed are all just things we do. But there are opportunities to earn beyond that by doing “extra” tasks.
She was so excited to sit down with me, count her money, and see if she’d saved enough to buy a coloring book. We found an envelope for tithing (we put aside 10% of everything we earn) and she happily put in 10 cents, then asked the sweetest question ever, “How will my tithing envelope make it to Jesus?” We talked about this a bit, then I took her out to the store. She had a great time selecting a coloring book, then counting out her money for the patient cashier. I loved watching her walk out of that store, head held high, bag swinging against her legs. These are the parenting experiences we all look forward to!
I also discussed with her something my parents did for me as a kid. I told Ella that if there was a toy she wanted to save for that cost more, she could earn half and mom and dad would help with the rest. I remember really appreciating this as a kid – this way, a Barbie doll was not out of my reach and going to the store to pick one out was a big occasion. It also echoes what I believe is our relationship with God – We do all we can and then he makes up the rest. It’s similar to the concept that I talked about last week – You try and I’ll be here to help you.
So, she’s now eagerly saving for a new prince doll – 1 prince to 5 princesses isn’t quite working here. :0)
I’m curious as we look toward the future: How does allowance work at your house? How do you work to combat feelings of entitlement in your kids? Do you have suggestions for helping kids value what they have?
This is really cool. K is no where near understanding this. But it is definitely nice. Right now we’re in the ‘you have to pay for it before you eat it’ stage (as in don’t open that in the store).. and ‘daddy works to make money to pay bills’.
For good ideas regarding allowances, I recommend the book “The Parenting Breakthrough” by Merrilee Boyack. While the book is a little annoying to read (read it and you’ll know why), her finance chapter has fabulous ideas. For helping your kids value what they have: give them less and let them earn more if they want it. If you really want your kids to be happy, teach them to be independent.
BTW, congrats on #3. we miss you guys.
I think you’re doing a great job with this. The fact that she’s four and understands the concept of self reliance, even on this small scale, is amazing. I started helping my mom with a paper route when I was 9 and did it all the way until I was 16. When I was 9 I made about $20 a month, it was a great feeling to know that I could buy things for myself. And Mom always told me stories of how she and her sisters started buying their own school clothes when they were 11 or 12 by working in the berry fields all summer, and it made me feel like I came from a long line of capable, self reliant individuals. So, I think passing on those stories of how kids’ family members have worked hard for the things they have is an important heritage piece to helping them embrace self reliance.
I think you are doing a great job, too. We handled it much the same way – chores are done because you live here and contribute, but extras can be compensated. There are always ways to earn more in this house! My son was really good at learning to save. We have never purchased a video game console for him, and he’s had 3!! He’s always saved and saved until he had enough to buy it himself. Some big things we have gone in halves on. And now that he’s a teenager we face him needing money more often, but being very busy with school and baseball. Our agreement is that we will help him with spending money as long as grades stay up (he gets mostly A’s, so I’m not complaining!), he still playing baseball (they only get 3 months off), and he does extras around the house and yard to earn some of the cash. It’s tricky, like you said, because I don’t ever want him to thing we’ll just finance his every whim. So far it’s worked well, and he’s super responsible and makes great choices on what he spends money on!
-Ally
Wow, that was long winded – sorry!! 😉