My husband laughed when I told him that I felt like I was “trapped inside a pregnant woman’s body” last night and said, “Well, you sort of are.” As I literally roll myself off of the bed in the morning, make the umpteenth trip to the bathroom, wonder why I think it’s boiling hot when no one else does, and shift my position yet again, my body feels alien to me. Beyond my burgeoning belly, swelling hands and feet, and aching back, I’m still me, but it can be easy to feel like lost in my pregnancy some days.
I’m not complaining about the attention my pregnancy receives and it doesn’t really bother me that the first thing you see when a seven month pregnant woman waddles in the door is “that woman is going to have a baby.” I love that people want to share in our excitement and celebrate the big day. I actually get a kick out of the fact that I hear conflicting things constantly, usually within 5 minutes of each other. One person says, “Oh, you’re so small.” The next says, “You’ve gotten big.” To one person, 8 weeks is “right around the corner.” To another, “Oh, you’ve got awhile.”
I’m delighted by this active little guy constantly reminding me here’s there. I was incredibly jealous of my friend who gave birth yesterday and can’t wait to welcome our baby into the world. Right now, it just feels like exhaustion and discomfort can be all-consuming. My mind is still active. I want to be involved in things. I really do want to sprint with my kids down the street, cuddle with my husband, participate in a bit of hanky panky, and do all of the things that I did before I reached this point. But, man, my body betrays me.
I go to cuddle with Tim and shift 50 times in an hour. I find myself going old-school and writing many of my articles on paper first to cut down on time spent in an unforgiving computer chair. I would much rather read books with the kids or make cookies over extended time on the floor pushing trucks or dressing princesses. The energetic, passionate, interested me in still in there. I want to do a hundred things. It’s just that my body doesn’t.
But I will probably only be a pregnant lady one more time after this, so I’m going to just try and accept that in a few months I’ll miss these days too. Because, truly, pregnancy is an amazing thing. Except when it’s not.
I miss being pregnant some days and then I read things like ‘rolling off the bed’ and ‘trapped’ and I go hmm did I really like it? And yes I did until I didn’t want to be, like you lol.
Oh, I know that feeling of jealousy when you see a mom holding her little tiny baby and yours is still kicking you in the ribs, bladder, spine, you name it. But as you know from past experience, fast or slow, it will come. Good luck until then!
I hear ya sister! Hang in there though. Seems like it took forever for pregnancy to be over, yet it went so fast as well… I miss those days, those little fluttery kicks, and yes, even those painful kicks in the ribs too! Enjoy them while you can (I know, easy for me to say, not being preg anymore). =)
It’s been a long time since I’ve been pregnant, but I still feel for you!
The good thing for me was, that even though when it was happening, every second felt like a lifetime, eventually time and life made me look back fondly and think it wasn’t such a long time after all! Hope that happens for you, too!
Hang in there. ((hugs))
Ally
It is funny how I have longed for this moment in the sun–I thought I would never again carry a baby in my belly. And now? Surprise! But I feel gross, disgusting, and it’s funny how you forget the bad stuff. I know soon the first trimester will be behind me (thank goodness, right?), and hopefully I’ll have less nausea and more energy. But I don’t know how you do it with two little ones!!
😉
So happy for you!
It is funny how I have longed for this moment in the sun–I thought I would never again carry a baby in my belly. And now? Surprise! But I feel gross, disgusting, and it’s funny how you forget the bad stuff. I know soon the first trimester will be behind me (thank goodness, right?), and hopefully I’ll have less nausea and more energy. But I don’t know how you do it with two little ones!!
😉
So happy for you!
It’s true and a little sad that whenever I see someone I don’t know, who is pregnant, I don’t really think of them as a person. It’s not conscious, but big pregnant women that I don’t know well just tend to be reduced to being ‘the belly’ in my mind. When women get that big it’s easy to forget that they are individuals, and not just conduits housing the kid that’s inside. I’ll have to work on that.