I think it’s only natural to question the fairness of femininity when you’re as big as a barge, getting up and down is a serious process, and all your mysterious aches and pains are simply “a normal part of the process.” Of course, it doesn’t start in pregnancy. The moment you enter the mysterious world of womanhood, you think “hmm…this is probably a mystery I could have left unsolved.”
Womanhood is definitely one of those big conversations I’d like to have with God. Seriously? The periods…every month…birth control…the things romance novels don’t tell you about making love…pregnancy…childbirth…Oh, and then your reward is – tah dah! – menopause.
I do get that nothing of true value ever really comes without sacrifice, work, and challenges. But when you’re already offering up your body as a place for someone else to grow, develop, and eventually exit, the heartburn, back aches, multiple trips to the bathroom, and other delicate unpleasantries of pregnancy seem like a bit much.
Of course, the oddest part, the real conundrum of it all? Here I am complaining about pregnancy, but I’ve volunteered for the third time. And I really wanted to be pregnant – dreamed of it – hoped for it – suffered the loss of one ending and then wanted to try again. Well, the third time I knew a bit more about what I was getting into, so I guess you could say my desire to have a new baby overwhelmed and somehow made me recall only the wonders of pregnancy.
The real genius, I think, the part that tells me God knows something I don’t? It comes in the small moments of joy that come with each pregnancy, the ones that are always much quieter and less frequent then the pain and discomfort. Yet, they overwhelm the experience with a persistent, unmatched joy.
I spent an uncomfortable Sunday night tossing and turning, hopelessly seeking a comfortable position. After making it through the morning, I dozed a bit on the couch while the kids watched a show, then prepped them for rest time. I decided to continue resting and relaxed in a that half awake/half dreaming state. In this moment, my baby decided to announce his presence. I could feel him turning, moving, kicking, reaching. And I felt connected to him, overwhelmed by a love for this new person who’ll join my family, excited by the possibilities of him.
And I knew that despite it all, I’d never trade being a woman, not really…well, maybe for just a day or two.
I totally get this..
This is absolutely and truly beautiful. Yay.
I don’t think I would trade it either! Being a woman, not pregnancy lol
I had only one pregnancy, and it was pretty difficult for the first six months. But those moments of movement, where I felt life inside me, those made it all worthwhile! I think you summed it all up beautifully!