Fake it to Make it

Shhh…come closer and I’ll tell you a secret…

93% of confidence is acting confident.

Is this statistic official? Nah. But I’m confident it’s accurate.

There are very few instances where I’d recommend faking it or putting on a facade of any kind. But when it comes to building confidence, I do so with very few reservations.

Confidence is a funny thing – to gain it, you have to do things that take confidence. Confident people approach others first, walk with their head held high, don’t excessively apologize, and look you in the eye. And  they do so even on days when they go out in mom jeans without make-up.

Most people don’t magically wake up one day and feel confident. The majority of people aren’t born with an innate, unshakeable confidence. They get it because they fake it.

Confident people were so scared they nearly peed their pants the first time they tried something new.
Confident people had to bite their tongues multiple times to keep from apologizing out of habit.
Confident people wore red even though it drew attention to them, when all they wanted to do was hide in the corner.
Confident people left the house with their shoulders down and their chin up when they were used to shrinking and slouching.
Confident people spoke up without stuttering or betraying doubt even though they were racked with it.

And then they did it again. And again. Until one day it came naturally. One day it felt real because it was real. They gained confidence by acting confident.

I came across an article in a Parenting Magazine that mysteriously arrived in my mailbox today entitled “Stress is Contagious.” While it focuses on how babies respond to parent’s clues about how to react in different situations, it emphasizes “It’s your behavior that the baby feels, not your physiology.” The message? “Mothers who feel confident exhibit less stress” and “You want your baby to be comfortable, so pretend.”

The same principal applies here. If you want to gain confidence, act confident. Soon, the other 7% that  doesn’t need to fake it (and has secretly been waiting to break out the sequins and perform on stage) will follow your lead.