Current Position: Mom

I’ve been editing my resume and came up with the following for my work history over the past 5 years. I thought it was much more interesting than “excellent multi-tasker.” What do you think?


Current Position: Mom


Skills:
– Proficient at typing, tweeting, and writing while nursing a baby.
– Can magically heal most scrapes, bumps, and imaginary boo boos with a kiss.
– Able to grocery shop with one child in a sling, another attempting to exit a shopping cart, and a third grabbing items randomly from the store shelves.
– Can provide satisfactory customer assistance on low levels of sleep.
– Well versed in a variety of lullabies, children’s hymns, and nursery rhymes. Capable of making up a song in a pinch.
– Proficient at organizing information for a variety of clients at once, including but not limited to, birthdays, doctor’s appointments, play dates, dental check-ups, parties, library craft days, and school field trips.
– Excellent problem solving skills. Examples include extracting stuck limbs, making dinner from a bare pantry shelf, changing a poopy diaper with no available wipes, and entertaining a toddler in a crowded waiting room.
– Expert item finder, specializing in shoe location.
– Can change a diaper, nurse a baby, and make it back to bed in 30 minutes, all in the dark, half asleep.
– Able to guide a child through a task I’ve showed them how to do 100 times without entirely losing patience.
– Experienced at mediation, including moderating daily fights, hitting, biting, screaming, and temper tantrums.
– Able to sit through repetitive and mind numbing entertainment and emerge smiling.
– Can keep track of multiple children running in different directions at a crowded playground.
– Possesses an unlimited supply of hugs and kisses and distributes them liberally.
– Knowledgeable in fairy tales, unicorns, ponies, fairies, princesses, trucks, cars, planes, and imaginary characters.


What skills would make it to your resume?