You Can Win This One, Kid.

The other morning, we’were all dressed and just about set to walk to school. I’m upstairs trying to throw some clothes on  and Ella calls “Mom! I don’t want to wear this dress! I want to wear a shirt.”

I groan. You see, she picks out her outfits most mornings and I’m cool with that as long as it’s weather appropriate. Once clothes are selected, actually getting dressed a midst all the distractions – cute baby brother, books, what’s in my lunch box?, combing a doll’s hair – can take awhile.  Getting 4 people ready to walk the 5 minutes to school each morning is a 45 minute process. At least. And it was time to go.

But I fought this battle last week, saying a firm “No” when she decided to change her clothes last minute. And I technically “won,” but the victory felt empty. The fit she threw set us behind anyway and our morning walk was ruined by her dampened spirit. As we hugged goodbye and I gave her the “don’t let this ruin your day” pep talk, I wondered if I’d made the right choice.

This morning, I decided to let my daughter have her autonomy. I urged her to make it quick, keeping on the same leggings and shoes. I decided she needed to learn to take responsibility if we were late. I was thrilled to come down to find her not only dressed, but jacket and backpack on. Ella won this one. And I couldn’t be happier.

The more experience I have as a parent, the more I recognize the futility of trying to win some imaginary battle. My kids are not foes I am trying to vanquish. Of course, they are also not part of some council I need to consult or compromise with all the time. It’s a tricky balance (one I often get wrong), but the phrase “You have to pick your battles” has a whole new significance now for me as a mom.

Walking home from school, I thought about picking my battles and how I’ve become much pickier about the ones I’ll fight, or perhaps just more strategic in the way I fight them. Here are just a few examples:

1. Pants and underwear on backwards. Ezra can win this one. I’m just glad they’re on. Taking them off randomly throughout the day or dropping them to pee anywhere outside, now that’s where I draw the line.
2. An alternate healthy snack option. Kids are starving, but I’m not budging on another fruit snack, pudding, or granola bar. My options: apple or cheese stick. Ella counteroffers “Banana.” I’m sold.
3. Just one more book. This one’s a slipper slope and can quickly become a tired delay tactic. I find it hard to resist that push for just one more story, though.
4. Switching up the order of things. I tell the kids to get pjs on, go potty, and brush their teeth. I hear, “No. Brush my teeth first.” You need to have a sense of control? Go for it, kiddo. As long as you do all three, the order doesn’t matter much.

How do you pick your battles?