The Opportunity to Choose

We relaxed in the living room, three moms chatting while their daughters enjoyed a “tea party” on a school holiday. It was a rare experience for me as I sat with two working moms and talked about life, parenting, marriage, and being a mom. Since play dates usually happen during the day, most of my associations happen with other stay at home moms, so it was a treat to hang out with these ladies.

We touched on our different choices and covered the usual territory, treading lightly. We did a bit of the “I don’t know how you do it” complimenting, with no desire or intention to debate the pros and cons of staying home vs working. There wasn’t any tension because we all owned our choices and enjoyed motherhood.  As always, I loved the mom time, laughing together and commiserating on the craziness of parenting while the kids entertained themselves in the background.

Thinking back on this experience and considering my own life recently, one thing strikes me as important: we each had the opportunity to choose our lifestyle. We faced challenges and dilemmas, but we had choices. You can debate the stay at home mom vs the working mom issue a thousand ways, but the ability to choose without serious impediments is such a gift. Deciding if/when/how you will stay home/work outside the home is a pretty white collar dilemma for many of us.

My family isn’t wealthy by any means, but I am so grateful to be in a position where I was able to make choices about education, marriage, parenthood, and working with relative ease. I grew up in a family where my parents encouraged my education, told me I was smart and talented, and encouraged my success. My parents taught me the value of family, helped me to understand how an education could help both me and my own family one day. I always wanted to go to college because I wanted to learn more, but I also understood the practicality of learning skills so I could be independent and take care of myself.

I married after college and my degree allowed me to support myself, then my husband while he completed school. When the time felt right to have a baby, I wanted to stay home, but my husband wasn’t finished with school. My mother-in-law cared for Ella while I returned to work and I hated leaving her. I decided to stay home, something I always wanted to do if I had children, and my little family lived with my mother for a year.

We had support for our choices. We never lived on two incomes. We knew what we wanted for our family and we had the ability to choose it without great difficulty. Since that time, I’ve found opportunities to pursue my interests and make some additional income for our family from home. We were and are so blessed.

Other women are faced with challenges that make these choices more difficult. The option to stay home isn’t there because they are single or need to finish their education or they provide the main income for their family. Other women stay home, but want to pursue an education or work outside the home. For some, the high cost of childcare is prohibitive.

My life isn’t perfect and my choices aren’t for everyone, but today I’m so grateful for the opportunity to choose.