Know it All Mommy

Sometimes I get into a groove for the day. I know what needs to be accomplished, I’ve got the timing down, and  I’ve planned how we’re going to get there.

In order to get to preschool on time, Ezra  needs a 10 to 15 minute warning before we absolutely must be out the door. I’ve figured out ways to motivate him, encourage his independence, and get those shoes on so we’re not late.

If we’re going to make it to swim lessons on time, the best case scenario involves getting swimsuits on before dinner, pushing them to finish their meal, then getting the family out the door.

Our schedule is fairly routine, so I’ve been through the excuses, the push backs, and the fits a hundred times. I can anticipate what they’re going to say before they say it. I must repeat myself ad nauseum and there’s no time to stop to listen. We need to go. To get this done. I don’t want to hear myself say “It’s time for PJs, to get your shoes on, to pick up, to (insert command here)” one more time.

I’ve realized recently, though, that in my desire to anticipate, to get it right, to give them enough time, to provide fair warning, to get it done, I’m often getting it wrong.

I was mowing the lawn on Wednesday while the baby slept and the older kids played. Our funky lawnmower won’t start again for maybe an hour once it stops, so this neccessitated yelling back and forth with the kids instead of turning it off to hold a proper conversation. As I was finishing the back lawn, I see Ezra hovering near the fence and the gate into our neighbor’s yard. He is not allowed to go over to the neighbor’s yard when they are not home, but it’s all he wants to do. I old him not to go over there, then turned to continue mowing. As I turned back, I see that he’s snuck over, then hurried back into our yard. I started to chastise him, then realized he’s only grabbed a toy lawnmower so he can mow beside me and help with the yard. He was so determined to help and proudly copied my efforts. It hurt a little to realize that I’d almost ruined this tendermoment by assuming I’d understood his intentions and focusing on what he was doing wrong instead of what he was doing right.

Thinking over that experience, I realized that it is far more typical than I’d like. My rush to get somewhere or my determination that I’ve said it enough times or my impatience are often like the loud lawnmower. The kids are trying to get my attention over the noise I’m making, but I toss another command at them, then continue on. They have an idea, a feeling, a need, but I’m not hearing it. At times, I’m even squashing it or having to go back and apologize because I’ve made too quick of an assumption.

My kids have amazing things to say, wonderful hearts, and determined personalities. I am not respecting these things or enjoying these terrific little people when I’m too quick to be a know it all. My daughter shouldn’t need to say, “You’re talking over me, mommy” and I need to be willing to stop one more time, to listen, to give it more time, and to assume the best, instead of the worst.