Our Happy Home Recipe

KSometimes I feel paralyzed by the need to create a perfect plan, with extensive, expensive visual aids, and an exciting activity. I want to set my family on the right course, motivate us to make right choices, eliminate the yelling and time outs. I read different web sites, look through Pinterest, and search for free clip art that conveys the message of “listen” and “share” for our non-reader. I want to make a change, but I don’t have the time to get it “just right.”

This weekend, I felt like our family needed a change. Now. I decided to talk to my husband about it and happily discovered he’d been thinking the same thing. We’d both been tossing around ideas in our heads, trying to find ways to adapt our “Choose the Right” and “Choose the Wrong” jars to work better for our family. It felt so good to just start talking about things, bouncing ideas around, pulling out the best ideas, deciding to just go for it.

We decided to try emphasizing the positive by revising our jar system once again and tossing out the “wrong choices” jars in favor of a system that was only about adding to our jars, not taking away. We wanted this to be something our family could own, something we created together, something our kids felt a part of. So, we decided to have a family night and put together a family plan without worrying about fancy handouts or displays. I found some big sheets of used coloring books and went from there.

In a burst of inspiration, I decided to compare building a happy home to making chocolate chip cookies. We first talked about what we needed to make chocolate chip cookies. I asked the kids what the most important, absolutely essential ingredient to chocolate chip cookies is – Chocolate Chips, of course! We then talked about the other ingredients we put into chocolate chip cookies, how you need just the right amounts, how too much salt can ruin it. We discussed how you set the oven temperature, follow mixing directions, and bake times. We also talked about what happens if you bake them too long or at the wrong temperature.

Then I pulled out a new sheet for our family to create our Happy Home Recipe. I asked Dad for the most important ingredient for a happy home – Love, of course! We then added in things that are important to our family, trying to focus on “dos,” rather than a long list of “don’ts.” Mom and Dad added some, but the kids came up with the majority of them. I think the most telling thing here is the thing our kids wanted from us. I thought they’d say less yelling or time outs, but they just thought a happy home had parents that played more with their kids.

We went on to talk about how we could help make a happy home and ways to earn balls in our “Choose the Right” jars. The CTR symbols here go along with the children’s program from our church, but you could easily adapt it in anyway that resonates with your family. We talked about traditional consequences for actions and told the kids we would still have those, including time outs, losing tv and play date privileges, etc, but we wouldn’t be focused on taking balls out for wrong choices.

We mainly focused on how they would start anew with their jar empty each day, filling it up with good choices. We haven’t completely finalized this yet, but at the end of the day, we’ll fill up those thermometers so they can see how well they’re doing for the week. It’s a work in progress, but these will somehow add up to earning tickets to receive rewards.The kids helped us create rewards. Top of the list – of course – included buying new toys. The list also included going out for ice cream, family swims, extra stories at bed time, and going on carousel rides.

Our family is also ready for regular chores and I thought maybe we could tackle this in a fun way and help to conquer the bossiness problem we’ve been struggling with. Each one of our big kids received 2 things to be in charge of, where they don’t do all the work, but direct it. Ella will help make sure the table is set and ready for meals and make sure all the toys are in the toy room at the end of the day. Ezra will make sure the table is cleared and cleaned up after meals and that the bedroom is cleaned up at the end of the day.

I’m certain this isn’t perfect and we’ll be adapting it as we go, but I’m excited about setting a new course. We already had some success with Ella wanting to earn balls by doing things without being asked and, when Ezra didn’t earn a ball because he had to be asked too many times to put on his pjs, we deflected a fit by asking him to think of another positive way he could earn a ball.