A brave young undergrad once slipped me a note in a political science class. I’d noticed him noticing me, but my heart was occupied elsewhere. His missive simply asked, “Would you like to go out with me Friday?” I hate to admit it, but my lukewarm response to his overture was a lukewarm “Yes.” Here he was, putting himself out there and I thought, “Why not? I should at least give him a chance.” I remember his broad grin at my reply and the follow-up note, “Do you have a car?”
Looking back at the date now, I realize that a cool, confident, fun guy paid me a compliment by asking me out. Nineteen years old and infatuated with someone much more shallow, I couldn’t see it. I focused on the fact that he didn’t have a car, but should have appreciated that I didn’t have to face the awkwardness of getting in some strange guy’s car. When we arrived at the university’s free foreign film, I wasn’t impressed, even though the movie ended up being strange and delightful. By the time we reached the inexpensive dinner portion of the evening, we had a mediocre conversation and he wasn’t inspired to ask me out again.
The date came to mind for some reason yesterday and I regretted my blindness. If I’d really looked at this guy, I would have seen someone undeterred by his financial situation, bold enough to send a girl he found attractive a note, and creative enough to concoct a nearly free date. Here I was, carrying around 2x the freshman 15 and swimming upstream toward depression, and he saw a glimpse of something special in me. I probably could have saved myself a great deal of heartache if I’d only given him a real chance, instead of accepting second best from a series of guys, gradually believing I deserved less than the best.
Ultimately, I figured out how to take off my blinders and see beyond superficiality, it just took me longer than maybe it could have. I wouldn’t really change a thing about my life. It all led me to today, married to my best friend, someone who really loves me in spite of me. I suppose it’s natural to reminisce this way when you become a mom. You hope your kids won’t be as blind, wade through the same junk, hurt others, miss out on chances.
More than anything, I hope that guy kept asking, undeterred by the girl who didn’t appreciate him. I hope he found a girl, thrilled to attend the school’s free films and excited to walk to the cafe on the corner. I hope he looks back, grateful for my disinterest because it led him to the place he’s at now.
Amen. Good post.
I sometimes wish more men didn’t use texting as the single man’s new security blanket and actually picked up a phone and just asked a girl out.
Amen. Good post.
I sometimes wish more men would just pick up the phone and call a girl and ask me, I mean her :), out, instead of using texting as the new single guy’s security blanket.