Firsts

The first time I walked into a new school without a sibling paving the way for me, I walked through the doors of Wartburg College. I never even went to summer camp alone. My best friend, Kelly, and sometimes my sister Kinzie, always accompanied me. I went to Kindergarten hand in hand with a friend, always knowing my sister was there, then knew someone in every class after that. Yet, I still felt that awful mix of excitement and dread each year.

Ella, my oldest, doesn’t have the crutch of an older sibling and today she started first grade in a brand new city. Her ever-faithful sidekick, Ezra, couldn’t accompany her. She told me in the car she’s excited and I can tell she is genuinely so. But, when I snapped her picture waiting in line, right before I said goodbye, this tight smile spoke volumes:

The truth is, I don’t really feel that dread for myself going into new places any longer. I know I’ll be alright, I’ll thrive, I’ll find my place, I’ll make friends, and I’m okay being me. Those remembered insecurities mainly creep up in times like these. I think the most important thing is to not betray them to my little girl, who seems to have a sense of who she is and what she wants so much earlier in life than I did.

 Ella’s felt a bit shy lately, but she and Tim made a pact last night to make a new friend everyday at their new schools. The school day is over in a couple of hours and I can’t wait to walk with the boys to pick her up and hear about the new friends she’s made today. School is such a funny thing – you long for it to come around toward the end of the summer, but it’s a bit torturous to send your child off into the great unknown.

Take a deep breath, Mindy. Ella’s got this. This brave, funny, smart, kind girl is going to thrive. You just have to give her room to do it.