I can’t prove it (yet), but I suspect that a sophisticated operation is happening right under my roof. Three covert operatives meet in secret, planning organized hits all throughout the house. They might look innocent, but give them a day, an hour, even ten minutes, and they leave a path of destruction in their wake.
I’ve yet to catch them at one of their secret meetings, but I imagine they go something like this:
“Good work. Next time, consider stuffing purses and backpacks with random toys, claiming they are treasures, then leaving them all throughout the house. This is a highly efficient – efficient is a fancy way of making a big mess in a short amount of time – way of accomplishing our mission.”
“As soon as mom finished sweeping today, I ran to my high chair for food. She tried to feed me with a spoon, but I insisted on feeding myself, then threw all the fruit and crackers on the floor. Afterwards, she seemed too discouraged to mop.”
Operative 1: “Way to go! Next time, make sure your spill proof cup leaks all over the living room floor before she sees it. Those things are never really spill proof.”
Operative 2: “Ooh. She’s carrying a load of laundry upstairs right now. Operative 1, you distract her by building a fort out of her good pillows. Operative 3, you start jumping in the folded laundry. I’ll get into the fridge and try to pour myself a cup of juice out of the full container.”
Operative 3: “Good idea. I just pooped. I’m thinking of running off during the change and peeing in the corner to make up forgetting about the cup.”
Public Service Announcement: Keep your eye out. I suspect this is an international ring, terrorizing homes worldwide. If you overhear one of their plans, be sure to share.
You should turn this into a brochure and pass it out as birth control. Very effective. 🙂
hahaha, I have one operative and two cats and they do quite a good job. I’m scared for the tag teaming that will come with #2.
Hahaha, yes, this happens at my house too!