It started with an enormous thump, followed by the pitter patter of tiny feet running down the hall. We looked up and, to our chagrin, our 19 month-old peered at us from the top of the stairs. We considered simply putting him back in his crib, but the cut lip he sported indicated that his preferred method of jumping from his crib might be a tiny bit dangerous.
And so sleep wars began in our home.
We tried letting him stay up a bit later to make sure he was tired. Big mistake. Over tired babies have a harder time getting to sleep.
I wish I could claim that I’ve emerged victorious, but I’m still a bit groggy from lack of sleep. I think we’ve learned a few tips along the way, though, and I’m definitely open to any you have to offer.
Lesson #1: Being a parent of 3 means nothing when it comes to sleep. Our older two slept in the same crib as Kai. You know, the one I thought was climb proof? They never climbed out of it. Not once. We transitioned them directly to a twin bed with a safety railing. No launching themselves like Superman from the crib. No toddler beds.
Lesson #2: Enter the Sleep Wars as a united front. I suspect marriages have suffered as tired toddlers have divided and conquered sleep-deprived parents. I hate to admit it, but I could be heard saying more than once “I give up” and my husband (who sleeps like the dead and wakes up a bear) would rather tuck baby beside him in bed than fight the good fight with the toddler bed.
Go in with an agreed upon plan. Alternate, rotate, bring your partner a soda (or alcohol if you drink, I suppose). Don’t give up. Try not to give into exhaustion or let your partner deviate from said plan.
Lesson #3: Super Nanny or Nanny 911 )or whomever the British Gals are with the silly capes and hats) was right. These tv shows always suggest being clear it’s bedtime, following a routine, then putting baby in bed. You can start by sitting beside baby, then moving to the door, then going outside. Every time baby leaves the bed, you put him or her back in calmly without a word. You don’t give up.
The first Battle of the Toddler Bed lasted a full 3 hours, with many tears, numerous hugs, one poopy diaper, and doing it all over again after the diaper change. Baby would seem asleep, but wake up raging as soon as you moved. He climbed all over me, trying to get out the door. He rubbed his eyes in exhaustion, but wouldn’t give in. I felt so sorry for him, but knew he needed to learn to sleep in his new bed. So, we stuck to it.
The first night, he came into our room about 1:30, but we still felt a mild sense of success. Since that time, we’ve had fewer battles at bedtime and naps, although it’s still a struggle and he has yet to nap today after an hour of putting him back into bed.
Lesson #4: You can teach your baby a new sleep routine in a loving, but firm manner. I can honestly say if Kai would just sleep in our bed, we might go that route right now. No one wants to listen to a frustrated toddler cry and fight sleep. While it’s difficult and there is crying involved, I feel like he knows we love him, that we’re there, that he isn’t alone (he actually literally isn’t – he sleeps in a room with his older brother).
So, what did we do exactly?
1. Make it clear it’s bedtime.
2. Use a bedtime routine.
3. Put him in bed, sit on the floor, gradually move away, sit by the door, leave the room.
4. Repeatedly put him back in bed lovingly without talking.
5. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
6. I don’t want to lock the door, but I have held it closed after I sense that he will return back to bed when he knows that leaving isn’t an option.
The jury is still out about how long it will be until baby goes to bed easily again.
What are your tips for helping a toddler transition to a new bed?
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