There’s a little girl in my Sunday School class full of four year-olds, a tad on the serious side in one respect and prone to random giggling with her twin in another. Toward the end of our class, we’ll often invite the children to draw a picture related to the lesson. It’s a simple way to keep little ones engaged whose attention span is wavering and a fun way to provide them with a take-home to spark conversation with their parents.
Without fail, this sweet girl is stalled before she even begins her project, doomed by the limitations of her 4 year-old artistic skills, reluctant to try if her hand can not create what her imagination conjures. One of us will kneel beside her and help jump start the process, but our stick figures aren’t exactly Picasso either. We always send the drawings home with children, but she invariably hands her back, and I wish she understood that what her mother would see in this perfectly imperfect work of art.
I can absolutely relate to her reluctance to begin something when she knows the outcome won’t fit her ideal. I, of course, know that given time and practice, her renderings will begin to look more like the picture she sees in her head. Or she might continue to set that skill aside as a talent she lacks and grow up to create elephants that look like mangled dinosaurs and people with over sized noses and hands. Perhaps she’ll never be a stellar artist, but if she can let go of the need for perfection, perhaps she’ll discover joy in the imagining and creating, rather than focusing on the end result.
Parenthood has knocked most of the perfectionist out of me, although I’ve never very inclined toward it. Don’t get me wrong. Before I hit “publish” on this post, I will read, reread, edit, and rearrange multiple times. In the back of my head, though, I know it’ll never be perfect. But I don’t blog to put out only my perfect work. Blogging is also about the process, a challenge to share coherent thoughts in a small amount of time, with the demands of life pull you away from your post. Sometimes I do write something stellar, while other posts aren’t quite there, but part of honing my skills as a writer and finding my authentic voice.
Drawing, writing, and coloring with my kids are some of my favorite activities to do with kids. From an early age, I love getting out coloring books and challenging them to color their way out of reality. I remember Ella initially coloring in a very literal way when she was old enough to get the concept of how things “should” be and then talking about how art lets us push those boundaries. I was so proud recently when she stood up for her little brother as a neighbor mocked the rainbow tires on his monster truck, saying “I think it’s great! Things don’t have to be real when you color. It can be however you imagine it.”
Last night, I learned how to do basic book binding (and I’ll share a post about it if anyone is interested in learning). The woman sharing the tutorial brought a variety of colors of folders, tape, beads, and stamps. We also learned two ways to bind the notebooks and I wanted to try them both. With limited time, many people created lovely notebooks they knew would turn out well, a wise and safe plan. Drawn to the multi-colored beads and tape, I came home with some over the top creations. One day, with more time at home, I’ll take a more methodical approach, but last night I enjoyed experimenting, learning along the way, and pushing perfectionism aside.
We’re now at the homework stage with our daughter and it’s become very important to emphasize the difference between doing our best and perfectionism. While we don’t expect perfect penmanship, spelling, or numbers, we do expect her to give her best effort. You can clearly see the difference between a well-thought out story written for spelling homework with different sized letters and angled sentences and a rushed one, written sloppily to get it over with. I may not want perfectionism to stifle my children, but we still challenge ourselves to put out our best work, try new things, and improve.
Perhaps my favorite examples of “Perfectly Imperfect” projects come from the past two Valentine’s Days. Ella never really considered purchasing Valentines and painstakingly created love notes for her classmates. Craft supplies – paper, scissors, crayons, stickers, glue, doilies, ribbon – overtook our table for a week or so. Like so many of our projects, the real fun was in the creating, not some aim toward a set results. The final valentines might not be considered Pinterest-worthy and we didn’t follow a step by step tutorial, but we could never find the equivalent in the store.
The adults I admire the most in my life, the ones I aspire to emulate, grow up thumbing their noses at perfectionism. They know the quiet confidence that comes from trying, experimenting, not quite getting it right, and experimenting some more. This is what I want for my children. A liberation from the stifling influence of perfectionism, preventing them from even starting, casting doubts on their efforts, making everything pale in comparison to their vision. I hope to raise experimenters, tinkers, and triers; enjoying the journey, the process, and recognizing how to improve something, without only seeing its faults.
My kids and I made homemade Valentines this year and I soread out all of the supplies over the table so that they were free to decorate them however they felt. My husband and I caught ourselves plenty of times “tidying up” their creations. I remind myself that it is important for my children to know that what they set out to do should not be hindered by someone elses expectations and I felt bad for trying to “perfect” their beautiful creations.
I know what you mean… I used to be a perfectionist as well. Then I became a mom–and now I just do what I can and hang on for the ride! I still feel a little guilt from time to time about not getting everything perfect, but most of the time I don’t even have the time to feel guilty!
Thanks for the great post!
Good post. This is definitely something I struggle with at times, though I’ve learned that there are definitely more important things that getting things “perfect.”
What a beautifully written post! I too have had a bit of a kick in the pants with parenthood and my perfectionist attitude. I try hard to not let it bother me.
My daughter is just like the little girl you described and no doubt she gets it from me. She gets so frustrated that her little body can’t do what her mind thinks it should. We’ve been trying to work on it with her and let her realize that it’ll come with time and practice. 🙂
Great post! I’ve been struggling lately with being a perfect parent and beating myself up for not doing enough activities with my kids. I have a love/hate relationship with pinterest!
I have learned that one must pick and choose what one does perfectly. For the important things, you can strive for perfection. For everything else, try not to worry so much.
I wish I was more creative and artistic with my kids to teach them that they don’t have to be perfect. I am really NOT crafty and I think that it comes off to the kids as they can’t do it either.
I am going to have to come up with some great ideas this weekend and see if I can help them work on their imperfections!
Thank you for reminding me that it’s in the process, not the product that counts. This is so true about so many aspects of life. And those Valentine’s are beautiful! Way better then any store bought ones.
Your SS pupil reminds me a lot of my 3 yr-old daughter. As a person with perfectionist tendencies, this is a trait that I don’t wish to cultivate in my daughter. I always understand her frustration and hesitation, and always worry that I am not doing enough to encourage her to try new things without worrying if you do them perfect every time. Thanks for sharing. I really enjoy your blog.