Just Listen

Ezra’s downstairs in the bathroom and I hear him call, “Ella, what does chit chat mean?”

She’s headed upstairs, but responds casually, as if there’s nothing random about the question or the circumstances. “It’s when two people are talking!”

I am a bystander, grinning in the backyard, delighted by this language exchange. This type of dialogue is becoming more commonplace in our home, with three children exploring the different nuances of language. It’s not uncommon to hear one child calling out to me, asking how to spell a word for the story she’s writing to practice her spelling words, while another requests that I read words on a television program, and a third comes behind them, mimicking and imitating things that they say.

When I was younger and dreamed of having kids, I never imagined much beyond the infant stage. Now that my kids 6, 4, and nearly 2, I realize that growing with your children continues to be amazing and challenging far beyond the baby years. Once kids master how to crawl, walk, and use a spoon, there’s reading, bike riding, animals facts, money concepts, artistic experimentation, as so much more.  As parents, we’re invited along for the ride; watching, coaching, teaching, cheering, and cheering up.

Ella is our oldest, the trailblazer, leading the way into expected and unexpected firsts. She has her own quirks; a vivid imagination, combined with a stubborn streak, resistance to constructive criticism, and a love of talking things through. She wants to learn, but likes to have someone by her side and doesn’t equate independence with doing everything herself. We love to hear her read, create her own stories, and bravely test out new words.

The other night, I asked Ella what I considered a simple question as she put on her pjs for bed. You have a band aid. Did you get hurt at school? I watched the wheels turn in her head and then relaxed and listened as she explained in detail “the story” of her injury. It involved describing how to play a game (which didn’t cause her injury), how she fell and who was involved, the process of elimination she used to decide which playground teacher to talk to (one is scary when she is alone), how she made it to the office, what an office is for and who works there, and more. My favorite part went like this: Mom, see my bed? In the nurses office they have a bed, but not exactly like this. Imagine this is white, without the legs. Can you see it? The nurse helps you and cleans your cut with that stuff we use, then she told me I needed the larger band aid because my cut was big. She’s really nice.


Some nights I rush my kids, exhausted at bedtime. This night I just sat and listened as a two-minute explanation stretched into a 10 or 15 minute story. Listening, however, I caught a glimpse of my girl’s world. Insights into what she sees, does, hears, feels, and picks up at school. Her story fascinated me with its descriptions and observations and she was already learning how to recreate her experiences through language.

Ezra is fascinated by the letters, numbers, and words surrounding him. He isn’t satisfied with just sitting back and listening anymore. He recognizes that there are meanings all around him; in advertisements, on buildings, in books, and in conversations. Ezra has a strong independent streak and is  eager to share what  he knows; often explaining the world around him and the meaning of words, sometimes accurately.

With his burgeoning interest in random words and sayings, similar to his sister’s, it really confirms to me how important it is not to dumb down or language for our kids. Additionally, we have to be willing and open to explain and inspire questions. While it may seem like kids are never listening when it’s time to clean up, put on their shoes, or stop hitting their brother, they’re listening to the words of songs on the radio, language you use on the phone, and the verbal imagery you’re creating while reading out loud.

Then there’s Kai, not quite two. His vocabulary seemed slim for awhile, but we could tell he was taking it in and understanding far more than he verbalized. Besides, with so many talkers surrounding him, Kai had a lot to take in. These last few months, we’ve seen big changes in Kai’s language. Each time he tries out a new word (and often when he uses any word), there’s someone cheering on, thrilled to be the first witness.

Watching my older kids with Kai actually makes me a bit envious that they get to be older children. I’m the youngest, so I didn’t get to witness milestones with a younger sibling. They get the biggest thrill out of teaching Kai words and I love to hear them proclaim, Mom! I taught Kai a new word! Where he used to just take my hand and point to ask for something, Kai now proudly says, snack, help please, broke, mine, no!, don’t, and so much more.

The best part of it all is knowing that I get to be a part of the next stage Ella ventures into to and witness my  my boys bringing their own personalities and interests to the stages she introduced us to.