My Kids Weren’t the Only Ones Who Needed and Attitude Adjustment
Ezra opened the door to my room this morning, immediately ready for breakfast. I want some br-ak-fast are usually his first words, his stomach growling because he rejected most of the previous night’s dinner options. Cereal is his breakfast of choice, even if pancakes are offered, and he has a 4 year-old’s resistance to change.
This morning, I had to break the devastating news: We’re out of milk. You’ll have to pick something else sweetheart. I attempted to share his other options, which I thought of as superior, but he couldn’t hear them. Ezra wanted cereal and nothing else would please pacify him as he launched into a frustrated fit.
I took the kids on a walk with their scooters yesterday. The older kids both enjoyed walks at their
own pace with an adult on Sunday and had high expectations for this experience. Mom’s neighborhood lacks sidewalks, making bicycle and scooter rides a bit tricky. I thought we were going on a short trip to a dead end street, so I brought our toddler along on his scooter.
Things went downhill from there – literally and figuratively. Ella raced ahead, her scooter moving faster than the rest. Ezra lagged behind, desperately calling after her to wait. Kai lolly gagged behind at his own pace, unconcerned by their race. I, on the other hand, became quickly overwhelmed, calling Wait! Get out of the middle of the road! Pretend there’s a sidewalk and stay to the side. Can you see me? Listen to me! Turn back!
The whole experience rapidly deteriorated, as everyone’s expectations were shattered by reality. I tried to make the best of it, suggesting to Ella that she race ahead, then turn to meet us, then repeat. I proposed that Ezra go at his own pace and enjoy himself. As the baby stopped to explore every mud puddle, I just wanted them to stop and enjoy going safely up and down the dead end street we discovered. But it wasn’t enough. They wanted more. They wanted the ride they imagined before leaving the house.
All the while, I could hear Ariel singing, Betcha on land, they understand. Bet they don’t reprimand their daughters! Bright young women. Sick of swimming. Ready to stand! I knew immediately who would be blamed for this failure of an outing.
We returned home and I listened to myself as if from a distance as I lectured my kids about being flexible, looking for the positive, being willing to see beyond our expectations. I felt like a hypocrite, realizing they could be giving me this lecture, chiding me for inflexibility and a needed attitude adjustment. Ezra’s not the only one kicking up his feet when his expectations aren’t met – his reaction is just more immediate and visual.
There’s so much more here to write about than I can fit into one blog post – feelings about my place in the world, motherhood, the way people look at me when they realize that all the interesting places we move and things we’re doing are for my husband, the law student, and how I’m the wife along for the ride. And I will.
But today, I’m due for an attitude adjustment. A piece of humble pie. I chose my life. In many ways, I love my life, especially unfiltered through unmet expectations or perceived perceptions of others. I can sit on the floor and have a fit, refuse to see the good around me, and resist change. I can make those around me miserable. Or I can adjust – not lower – my expectations, adapt to change, and seek out new ways of seeing things.
Because, honestly, if I can’t follow my own advice, how can I expect my children to?
I am working on getting my daughter not to throw tantrums. At the same time, I am working on myself, trying not to throw my own tantrums.
What an entertaining and thoughtful post. I appreciate things that make me ponder for days afterwards, and I’m pretty sure this will. There’s nothing like when you see a child respond to frustration in the EXACT (and not always good) way you do. I need to remember more often to stop and do a behavior check for myself. Maybe I need to lose privileges sometimes too. 🙂
Like you, I also need to follow my own advice. I often have to think that kids are just learning about life and how to be a kid just as much as I am learning how to be a parent. That usually gets me to calm down. Sometimes though, a good time out for parents is just as necessary for the parent as for the kids.
I have found that I’ve never stopped adjusting myself to try to set the example I expect from my son – for 18 years! It’s just another way that children can make us better people. 🙂