Imagine this: A mother is out and about with her young child. They have errands to run and friends to meet. Mom packs a few diapers for the road, maybe a change of clothes, and a baby carrier. They visit a clothing store, a playground, and a restaurant. Throughout the day, baby needs to eat. When she does, mom simply sits and brings baby to her breast; in the middle of a meal, mid-sentence, or in a baby carrier while mom shops. No one notices. No one cares. No one judges what she covers or doesn’t cover because nursing is so commonplace, her breasts don’t even cross their minds.
This is the world I imagine for my daughter and my daughter-in-laws, should they choose to nurse
their children. I don’t want them to view breastfeeding as limiting or secluded or a hot-button issue. I want them to be able to nurse a baby and feel they can continue participating in a family gathering, sitting in a church service, eating at their favorite restaurant, or doing whatever they choose, without discomfort or judgment.
This is also the world I envision for myself. I’m not looking to be an activist or a “lactivist,” but the cultural norms in the United States around breastfeeding became increasingly frustrating for me while nursing my last baby. Breastfeeding a baby should not mean stopping every public activity and finding a secluded (often uncomfortable) place, just so even the thought of a breast doesn’t disturb someone.
“Mother’s lounges” should be available for women who want to nurse in quiet or seclusion, but not an expected destination. No one should be compelled to leave a room for 30 minutes (give or take) at a time to nourish their baby. These rooms should have companion places for fathers who want to soothe, rock, change, or feed a baby as well. If breastfeeding were more normalized, these places could be one and the same.
Even when I felt more self-conscious about the opinions or concerns of others while nursing, the big business of nursing “modestly” disturbed me. If you don’t want to drape a stifling blanket or sew your own covers, you’re faced with over-priced nursing tanks and covers. All of this time and money, just so no one will catch a peek of my back, a bit of my tummy or a glimpse of the crest of my breast – all considered elegant in an evening gown, exciting on a magazine cover, or acceptable at the beach.
Nursing should be as much of a non-event as bottle feeding. The level of acceptability shouldn’t be dependent on how covered a woman is, where she chooses to nurse, whether she feeds with a breast or bottle, or the age of her child. It should be as odd to hear someone say, “Did you see that woman breastfeeding there?” as it would be to say, “Did you see that woman bottle feeding there?” Ultimately, however you choose to feed your baby, the following is true:
That would be the ideal. Just acceptance. The important part is that they are fed with love, not the vessel that provides the feeding.
I would love to see this world as well. It’s sad how the simple act of feeding a baby is such an issue and babies are expected to…what? Wait? Starve?
Imagine…next it will be that the nursing sows need a special stall at the county fair! Do people not realize that a *likely* unabashed breastfeeding cow is where we get our milk? It’s not magic. Or criminal. It’s part of being a mammal. Great post. I’d love a world where people understood the mechanics of mammalogy!
I agree! What do people not understand about being mammals!? Next we’ll see places for nursing sows to go with their piglets at the county fair, as to not offend other barnyard animals! Ha!
I think a lot has to do with how confident the mother feels while nursing. If someone had said something to me when I was a first time mom I would have been so embarrassed and hurt. Now I am on baby #3 and I really don’t care what other people think. I do believe that you should still be modest while nursing but it is possible to do that without a cover or expensive nursing tanks. I just wear a normal tank top with a T-shirt, pull the T-shirt up and the tank top down, works great.
For me, breastfeeding is a non-event. When my daughter is hungry, I feed her. End of story.
Great post Mindy. I think things are changing, or maybe I’m just changing. I felt much more self-conscious with our first child. With the second child, I have never left a church service or diner table to feed my child. We have never had any comments from others about NIP although I am usually pretty discrete about it and don’t bust out a huge nursing cover. My dad used to literally run out of the room when I nursed my daughter, now he is completely used to it.
Very elegantly stated, thank you.
I totally agree. Our culture has made breasts sexual and therefore view breastfeeding in a similar light. I think if breastfeeding were viewed in a more natural light (no big deal, moms just breastfeeding baby), the whole breast vs bottle debate would die down some, too.
Great post, and I completely agree…I do choose to cover while nursing, my own personal preference…but no one should be forced to for sure! I also found, even when covered, I would get dirty looks from people still! Crazy!! It definitely needs to become the norm!
I agree – but I am totally guilty of feeling “embarassed” in public. I like to be covered up and “safe” from prying eyes. I know I’m feeding into the problem. I’m working on it being a non-issue for me, cause that’s the only way it will be come a non-event for everyone else.
I so agree with this. We should never have to question, judge or avoid a mother nourishing her child whatever way she chooses best for her. It’s craziness how something so completely natural has this huge social stigma attached. How did we, as a society, let that happen? This line that you wrote certainly hits home, doesn’t it? “…all considered elegant in an evening gown, exciting on a magazine cover, or acceptable at the beach.”
I would love to see this as well People think its cute when animals nurse their babies ,but act like its shameful for a mom to breastfeed . How sad.
Excellent post – I agree wholeheartedly. Breastfeeding in public was a progression from hiding out in a bathroom stall when my little guy was 2 months old, to discreetly nursing in the middle of a mall. I don’t use a cover when I nurse in public because my little man won’t allow it, but I am discreet. While I believe in every woman’s right to feed her child wherever, whenever, I do feel that some lactivists take things to the extreme…almost daring someone to say something to them (once had a woman bare both of her breasts to nurse in the middle of the cafe in a bookstore, looking around with an ‘I dare you to say something look’ – I’m not okay with that).
Excellent post – I agree wholeheartedly. Breastfeeding in public was a progression from hiding out in a bathroom stall when my little guy was 2 months old, to discreetly nursing in the middle of a mall. I don’t use a cover when I nurse in public because my little man won’t allow it, but I am discreet. While I believe in every woman’s right to feed her child wherever, whenever, I do feel that some lactivists take things to the extreme…almost daring someone to say something to them (once had a woman bare both of her breasts to nurse in the middle of the cafe in a bookstore, looking around with an ‘I dare you to say something look’ – I’m not okay with that).
I agree COMPLETELY! That being said, I think the picture of breastfeeding in your post kinda sends the wrong message. Let’s be honest, the beautiful mother with the white t-shirt showing practically no skin hardly exists. I wish I saw more “normal” everyday photos in breastfeeding ads. It would make me feel better about myself and the way that I appear.
I totally agree with your blog post! Breast-feeding should be a “non-event”. When my soon-to-be-baby arrives in this world, I hope to breastfeed. I am new to the subject, and worry about all the hype surrounding it. I too, hope some day, that all of that will change!