MOM!
My two oldest are now 7 and almost 5 and they have a full-fledged brother-sister love/hate relationship. They are regular play mates and can sometimes play for hours in the toy room, imagining, giggling, and creating new worlds together. Lately, however, it feels like all they do is fight, compete for attention, and purposefully annoy each other. And, every time they set each other off, they want to involve me as mediator.
I discovered Positive Discipline this summer and it helped our family make some small and important changes. The book suggests a new way of thinking about parenting and provides different techniques for tackling issues like fighting, sibling rivalry, getting ready on time, doing things for yourself, doing chores, and more. It’s not always easy to remember the techniques or to experiment with different things in the heat of the moment. This is where Positive Discipline Parenting Tools Cards come in.
To use the cards, you simply shuffle the all 52, keep them in a hand place, and draw one when you need some inspiration. Here are some examples of cards that have helped me address sibling rivalry and fighting in a calmer, more positive way. I’m far from perfect, but these definitely help me fight the urges to mediate fights or yell.
I think Put Kids in the Same Boat might be my favorite card. This idea has really inspired me to talk to my kids about trying to solve their own problems before coming to me. I also have stopped saying, “What did you do?” or “What did he/she do?” and instead have asked them to be “problem solvers.” It’s less about identifying a culprit or assigning blame and instead about showing faith in their ability to work things out.
Positive Time Outs or Cooling Off Space has
replaced standard time outs in our homes. The goal isn’t to punish behavior, but to instead help everyone involved calm down enough to reflect and talk things through. When we cool off (including mommy), we can usually return to what we were doing with love and find a solution.
Decide What You Will Do Instead of Engaging in Power Struggles. I’ve written about this card before, but it has really helped me set better boundaries as a parent. When I use this technique rather than making threats or counting to three, I find it is much more effective. Letting my kids know that I will serve dinner once the table is set or I will play a game after the last one is cleaned up or I will be done with bedtime in 15 minutes, no matter what, has really made a difference. I’m not cajoling or threatening, but setting clear boundaries and expectations around my behavior and letting them choose.
Here are a few other examples of cards that help in a variety of situations.
Positive Discipline has kindly offered to give one The Inquisitive Mom reader a set of Positive
Giveaway Closed Discipline Parenting Tool Cards. I love the Positive Discipline book so much, I’d also like to give a copy away to one of my readers! To enter to win the Positive Discipline Tool Cards and book, simply enter using the giveaway tools form below.
My toddler is very stubborn and I can use all of the positive discipline techniques I can find. He’s one tough cookie all over the board
Positive discipline could help me with time-outs and making sure my toddler knows what is wrong without using harsh punishments.
We have a very head strong 3-yr-old. When she gets frustrated she has a hard time listening to Mom and Dad. Having cards to “remind” her about the rules would be awesome! I could see her taking more responsibility for her actions instead of the constant push-and-pull, and the he-said-she-said that she usually tries.
My baby is young, so we’re just starting with saying “no” and creating boundaries, so I want to prevent bad habits from starting!
I am currently pregnant with #2 but I can definitely anticipate some struggles in the future, as they are both girls and will be 24 months apart 🙂 I hope I win this!!
Id love help with the constant bickering between my 4 and 2 year old while Im occupied nursing the 4 month old!
Id love some ideas for helping with the constant bickering with my 4 and 2 year old while Im nursing the 4 month old!
Whining and bed time routines. We have way to much whining in our house.
Sharing of toys.
I like to be prepared. My grand daughter is 5 months old but discipline problems are sure to show their challenges. I love positive reactions to ugly situations.
My 4 year old son has Aspergers, and discipline is something we struggle with everyday. This looks like it might be a good option to try as I find he responds much better to positive reinforcement than to what he deems as negative (time out, losing privileges, etc.)
I have a very stubborn and oppinionated 18mo old. we’re trying to set standards and rules now so that we can be consistent but this would help. especially with a sister for him on the way!
Attitude!!! Or backtalking…but they fall in the same category…
I think positive discipline could help with picky eating.
We have a very emotional 4 year old, which can be very difficult sometimes for me to handle along with our 1 year old mischief-maker. If I could better (more calmly) handle little situations, I think it would help him see/learn how to handle his emotional responses
The 2 biggest issues I am having is finishing homework and fighting between brothers. I am sure these would help!
We have a 3.5 yr old and a 2 yr old (and a 2 month old but he’s not a problem yet!). We are fighting battles on a daily basis and often just repeating the same thing over and over and over again because there are 2 of them and they are virtually on the same level developmentally and copying each other’s bad behavior. It would be refreshing to have new tools to help us think of fresh ways to approach childrearing.
I am actually a semi-new mom, my DS is only 8months. I am new to being a mom and the gentle parenting way of life. I have not had any ‘dilemmas’ but I know they are destin to come with a little boy. I just want to be prepared!
How to get my kids’ attention without yelling
button pushing 5 year old that can’t be quiet.