From the Mouth of Babes: Kids Define Gender Roles

He gave me a perplexed look and I rephrased the question, Is there anything Ella can do better than you just because she’s a girl and not because she is older?

He seriously pondered the question, and twisted his mouth, searching for an answer, finally replying,

She does homework and goes to a different school than me.

But that’s only because she’s older, right? You’ll be able to do those things too. Is there anything you can do better than Ella just because you’re a boy?

Puzzlement again. He looked to the ceiling, then replied, I go to a school where we play a bit more than her, so we get to have a bit more fun.

And, what about moms and dads? Does one love their kids more than the other?

Quick reply, No.

Do you want to be a Dad when you are older? How will you take care of your kids?

He smiled and enthusiastically replied, Yes! I will hug them when I am home.

When 7 year-old Ella returned home, I posed similar questions, but added a few additional ones. Are girls better at praying than boys? Are boys better teachers? Is there anything you can’t do because you’re a girl or anything  your brothers can’t do because they are boys?

Same perplexed look, accompanied by a These are weird questions, Mom look, and a shake of her head. The idea was clearly preposterous. 

My heart soared at their wise, innocent responses that felt so perfect and right to me. I wondered how to continue this vision as they grew; recognizing gender as not something that defines our abilities, limits us, or lifts us above others.

My heart sank a little, as I considered how they would soon receive mixed messages about gender. I thought about how some would minimize the value or capabilities of my sons to lift up my daughter, while others would limit my daughter’s capabilities to lift up my sons.

I’ve read and heard many arguments lately explaining to me why our genders define our roles, strengths, and needs. When I look at my children, I see individuals where gender is just one piece of a complex, dynamic whole. I don’t discount gender as important or influential, but I believe many of the assumed definitions of gender are more cultural than they are innate. 

In this matter, I think I’ll defer to the wisdom of  my children, who are downstairs mixing Legos, Barbies, Match Box Cars, and Littlest Pet Shop into their own special world, unconcerned with what boys or girls can or should do. Imagining, hoping, and dreaming without limits instead.