Darkness
Emptiness
Despair
Blue
Grey
Black
Unbearable
Exhausting
Discouraging
I Can’t
I’m Not
I Am
Frustration
Guilt
Shame
Irksome
Exhausting
Debilitating
There’s no single way to define depression. It’s personal, taking on many forms, manifesting itself uniquely day by day, person by person.
On my darkest days, it feels as though happiness surrounds me, available to everyone else; completely elusive for me.
On my better days, an unexplained exhaustion hovers over me and every task requires double the effort.
On good days, it’s a shadow I remember, a film coming off of my world.
On great days, I kick darkness to the curb, seeing light emerging around me.
I’ve worked through depression, experiencing cases of the blues only occasionally.
I’ve had long periods of my life where depression seemed a distant experience.
Thoughts of suicide haven’t plagued me, but I know what it’s like to feel the darkness pull me in, swallow me down, stifle my will. I’ve loved others who have battled thoughts of suicide, ideas of release, even acting upon them.
Whatever depression is, however it manifests itself, it is not a sign of weakness or of lacking. Just as our bodies battle disease and harmful effects, so do our minds. And some days we are conquerors; others the conquered. But we are not weak or helpless or alone. We learn to celebrate small victories; we let go of perceived failures; we find tools to navigate through the darkness; we feel the light.
What does depression look like? You can see it in me. Your neighbor. Your friend. Your doctor. Your teacher. Your spouse. Your child. Your parent. Your sibling. You might even see it in you.
Mental illness is real. It’s painful. But it does not have to define any of us. We might suffer, wrestle, tangle, battle, and tackle depression; it might be a part of our experience, but we are not depression.
If you are struggling and need help, please know that you are not alone. Reach out to a loved one. Find local resources. Ask for help determining your insurance coverage. If you need it, you can find immediate assistance here.
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