This hilarious and wonderfully told story was shared by Miranda Crume-Kaucky in the Cloth Diapering and more with Kelly’s Closet Facebook group. So many women commiserated and laughed along with this delightful breastfeeding tale, I knew it just had to be told to a broader audience. Miranda kindly agreed to let me post this hilarious story as part of Adventures in Breastfeeding. If you have a story you’d like to share, please email it to me at theinquisitivemom (at) gmail dot com.
So, I was in the family bathroom at a restaurant yesterday changing my 4 wk old son, I had only brought a pack of wipes, a diaper,and a blanket for a quick change. He starts crying because the wipes are cold and he’s spoiled and my ridiculous unregulated mammaries all of the sudden go “CRYING BABY! DUMP ALL OF THE MILK NOW!”
My shirt is instantly soaked, so I pull up my shirt (mind you this is mid diaper change) and I’m spraying milk like 12 inches out! I tried to get the baby to nurse but he was like “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DROWN ME MOM! YOUR BOOBS MAKE ME CRY!” That didn’t help the leaking at all.
I felt like a sprinkler on a golf course. Breast pad is soaked and I don’t have my diaper bag, so I wad up some crinkly paper towels, smash them into my bra and finish changing my son’s diaper. The right side stopped spraying, but lefty was still going full throttle and the thin paper towels are doing nothing to help. Well, crap, now I’m holding my baby pouring milk all over the bathroom floor. I grab my phone and aim my high pressure nozzle at the sink, (then I pause and pat myself on the back because the sink was a brilliant idea).
I look at my phone, battery says 2%. Damnit… I dial my husband and it rings and rings and rings. Phone at 1% now, but he picks up I yell “Family bathroom, bring diaper bag, EMERGENCY! ” Then my phone dies. He shows up at the door, I open it for him and there I am boob hanging over the sink still full on spraying, milk all over the floor, baby crying, me in a panic. Husband takes the baby, looks around the bathroom, and goes “This place looks like a crime scene from a cereal killer… get it? Cereal killer… you know, cause of all the milk!” He then proceeds to laugh at his joke as he walks out the bathroom door leaving me to try and MacGyver a prefold into a breast pad.
Being a mom is exciting.
Have a your own Adventures in Breastfeeding tale to share? Send it to me and I will choose some more to add to this series! You can find mine at Nearly Flashing the Mailman and Other Adventures in Breastfeeding.