The proof was in the picture. I looked at myself, without the filter of the selfie angle, and saw the truth: I was out of control.
I’d been excusing the weight gain and energy loss because of a challenging c-section a year ago. I told myself I couldn’t address my weight while nursing. I would treat myself just this once to sweets. I would be okay without my anti-depressant. Except I wasn’t and it took a picture for me to understand.
I’ve lost and gained many pounds in my lifetime. While I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to lose weight again, I realize now that it’s not a strong enough motivator for me. The scale only discourages me. Dieting is demoralizing. The end goal unobtainable.
But I am motivated by a different goal: Self control. I don’t want cravings for sugar or caffeine to overpower me. I don’t want to cover emotions or boredom with food. I don’t want to give up because I’m not accomplishing every goal at once. What I want is to be in control of my own health and my choices.
I wish I had a magic formula or a really cool Pinterest-worthy downloadable goal sheet. But those things are always distractions for me. By the time I’m done filling out a goal sheet or reading a book of dieting rules, I’m ready for a snack.
I started with this idea in mind. I would choose one meal, one snack, one sweet at a time. It’s been challenging, frustrating, and rewarding. I’ve given in sometimes, but I haven’t given up. Two months later, I find myself craving sweets less. A “small” soda at a fast food restaurant doesn’t require a refill. I stop at one serving. I pass by certain aisles in the grocery store. For the first time in a very long time, I feel in control of what I eat, rather than having what I eat control me.
For me, taking control back from food looks like this:
- Start Small. I started with breakfast because it felt like a realistic daily goal. I purchased Kirkland meal replacement shakes from Costco and found that they worked for me. I can now drink one and feel satisfied, but this first step was very hard. I felt hungry at first and wanted to fall back on old habits. I felt cranky and tired with sugar withdrawals. Eventually, I could make it to lunch time without snacking. Once I tackled breakfast, I started choosing healthier lunches and then ate dinner with my family each night. I began drinking water when I wanted a snack. I started leaving the candy behind on shopping trips. I celebrated each small success and it motivated me to make a new goal.
- Determine Your Biggest Temptations. I am tempted by treating myself to a burger or fries. I also like to “treat” myself to a candy or soda during grocery trips. I eat when I’m bored or stressed. I will often choose pre-packaged, easy foods over more time-consuming solutions, so I can write or play with my kids. These foods were controlling me and I had to acknowledge that before I could take control.
- Don’t Go Cold Turkey. I know the wisdom of getting it all out of your system at once. It’s terrific advice, but it didn’t work for me. When I can’t have anything, I want everything. I started with one thing and took control of it. When I successfully resisted a particular temptation, I felt buoyed by success. I enjoyed feeling in control and this motivated me to tackle the next temptation.
- Don’t Buy It. I try to avoid some aisles at the grocery store altogether, ie. chips, candy, and soda. My kids enjoy snack foods like granola bars, fruit snacks. and pudding – all things that don’t tempt me much. Bags of chips, cookies, candy, ice cream and flavored popcorn call to me. We still have treats sometimes, but they are more often homemade or in small quantities. I don’t hide or hoard them. This means they are stored in the open and there is one serving for everyone before they are gone.
- Eat at the Table. We have a “food at the table” rule for our kids, mainly to avoid food messes. I found that this rule had a second effect, though. When my kids have to stop and eat at the table, they are more likely to only eat when they are hungry. If you have to leave your show, book, or phone behind to eat, you are more likely to just eat when you’re hungry and what you are hungry for.
- Walk to the Kitchen for Each Serving. A few months ago, I started making myself walk to the kitchen for servings of sweets, rather than taking the container or putting some in a bowl. It made me feel bad at first because I was ashamed at how many times I went back for more. Once I discovered self control in other areas, though, it became a deterrent. I didn’t feel the same need to get up multiple times. Food stopped calling to me in the same way. If I want it, I will go into the kitchen and eat it openly. If I choose seconds, I own my choice.
- Drink Water. I probably depend more on Target flavored water than I should. But it works for me. I like the flavor and the burst of fizz. It tides me over between meals and helps me stay on track. I also use these water tips to keep myself drinking water instead of snacking.
- Give Yourself Permission. I’m like a rebellious teenager when it comes to food. Many diet plans are about what you can not have and that just makes me want them more. I have also rewarded myself with food for a long time and that is a tough habit to break. Sometimes, I give myself permission to stop and buy that doughnut. One out of every five times I might follow through. Most of the time, though, I just need to remind myself that the choice is within my control. I am allowed to eat what I want to eat, but I can choose not to. I indulge in the idea of a doughnut, even begin driving to the bakery. Those four times I pass by feel incredible. The fifth time I stop, I just enjoy the doughnut.
- Own Your Choices. This goes along with #8. I do eat fast food. I sometimes have candy. I ate a bowl of ice cream last night. But I don’t crave it like I used to. I can (usually) stop after a sensible serving. I can choose a milk shake or a soda with my value meal. This might not seem like a big victory for some, but it is for me. In the past, I would order a soda, but guilt myself out of a milk shake. If I got a milk shake, I’d shame myself for the indulgence. Owning my choice allows me to choose without the guilt or shame (and avoid the spiral of shame eating). Planning ahead for that shake or soda with healthier choices throughout the day also helps me own my choices. Knowing I can choose water over both the milk shake and the soda without feeling restricted feels even more amazing.
- Meal Plan. A meal plan helps me control what I buy, make, and eat. I’m learning to follow my shopping list without detours and that makes a huge difference. When I know what is for dinner, I am also less likely to grab pre-packaged solutions. Meal planning is huge boost to numbers 1 – 8.
I am not miraculously thinner and I’m not yet ready for a marathon. But I do feel significantly better. I feel more in confident, balanced, happy, and healthy. The cravings and dependency on food are fading and I can feel the difference. When I look at a picture of myself now, I see someone who is taking back control.
Molli Vandehey says
your goal of self control is great. make it about your personal inner goals, not what you look like to others.
Amber Ludwig says
So much yes!! DONT BUY IT!! I don’t know how many times Ive tried to instill that in people’s minds who say they lack self control… don’t purchase it in the first place and you wont be tempted!! Easy peasy but super hard to remind yourself sometimes!! Especially when the candy calls from the checkout lane!!
Mandy P. says
You had me up until the meal planning. I just dont feel like i have the time to plan meals every week. The other tips are definitely do-able, though!
The Inquisitive Mom says
I totally understand. Meal planning is not 7 “new” recipes each week, for sure. Lots of my dinners are a main dish with steamed vegetables and rolls or rice. I just like the planning because it helps keep my grocery shopping on track and I’m less likely to eat out. 🙂 There are also tons of blogs where people share their meal plans every week. You could always just snag someone else’s pre-made meal plan.
Olivia Radics says
Excellent tips, battling with the same thing myself 8 months post C-section, with thyroid disease…I have started working out more and tracking it with moov now. Food is still my big temptation.
The Inquisitive Mom says
I deal with thyroid issues, too. It is definitely challenging.
eileen marie says
You could be describing me. Not sure if your methods will work for me, but I’m willing to give it a shot!
The Inquisitive Mom says
Let me know how it goes! Let’s encourage each other. 🙂
Dandi D says
The holidays seem to be so hard to eat healthy, but these are some great tips!
Sandra Caballero says
I like this blog. Great read to know how to control body weight.
Jess says
This came up on my Pinterest at the perfect time! Me and my husband are trying to get healthier, focusing less on the weight loss. We want to have healthy habits when our daughter starts to eat. I’ve never been a good eater and my husband has been on and off diets his whole adult life. Thank you so much for writing this because I was losing hope we would ever find something that wading quiting everything cold turkey.
The Inquisitive Mom says
I’m so glad this post provided the support you needed! You can do it.