I cried the other night stringing the Christmas lights on the tree. It was already December 16th, weeks after we usually pick out a tree, and the kids stood around me holding ornaments in anticipation. Each time I plugged in my precious strands of C7 and bubble lights, the fuse would pop. I felt the frustration rise inside me and I resisted the idea that maybe I needed to readjust my idea of the “perfect tree.”
Anyone who knows me well will tell you that my perfect tree is not Pinterest sensation, but a nod to childhood Christmases past, a connection to my father. I look forward to putting up the Christmas tree each year, even though it’s always challenging in some way.
This year, we decided to purchase a smaller tree and use less ornaments (already a concession for me), remembering how our Christmas tree was pulled down at least 3 times last year by a toddler.
As I strung the tiny lights on the tree, my kids oohed and ahhed at the beauty and the lights were up in no time. I tried to hide my discouragement and we moved forward with what I saw as a Charlie Brown tree filled with a random assortment of ornaments bunched together and an angel on top (because my star broke during one of last year’s tree mishaps). When we finished, the kids stepped back in awe, thrilled by their Christmas creation.
And I realized something: my expectations, my memories, my feeling that Christmas should be one way was marring my experience. Our tree is beautiful. My children are enjoying themselves. So what if only half of my decorations fit in our current home and my favorite ornaments are safe in a box this year? It’s okay that Dad’s school schedule delayed our decorating or that I don’t feel up to major baking (and mainly the associated messes) this year.
Kai pulled down our tree with a Lightening McQueen ornament the day after we put it up. Nothing broke, but the beaded tinsel ended up all askew. We laughed, set it up again and congratulated ourselves on being better prepared this year.
Somehow, I’ve managed to purchase and wrap all of my presents before Christmas Eve (I am usually frantically wrapping until midnight) and I’m looking forward to baking one pie for a Christmas dinner with friends. I threw Ezra a birthday party and Kai is daytme potty trained – pretty major accomplishments during a busy month.
I went sledding with my kids for the first time in years yesterday, bundled in three pairs of pants because I don’t own snow pants and wearing my husband’s snow boots. I can’t remember when I had so much fun simply letting go and enjoying the moment. No more staying behind in the warm house to make hot chocolate for me!
Some years I will do more when I have more room to decorate, more space to bake. Some years our schedules will be more balanced and the kids will do more on their own. For now, I’m going to enjoy our little tree and have fun watching my daughter create presents for family members secretly in the art room. I’ll make snow angels, buy premade treats, and bake one pie for Christmas dinner with friends. I won’t worry about what isn’t, but simply enjoy what is. That’s my Christmas present to myself this year.
How do you keep sane over the holidays?
I think it’s so cute how children think each year’s Christmas tree is SO beautiful and amazing, even more than the one before. But then….I was like that, too, when I was a child!
An awesome time of year, for sure. I love the concessions you made to help it be perfect for your little family. Merry Christmas.
Yes. This! they think it’s wonderful, and the way things are is enough. The moment is enough. in fact, it’s perfect 🙂
I let go of my idea of perfection a few years ago. I used to stay up all night “fixing” the ornament placement and would even move things around here and there for about a week. Now I just let it be and I have been much more sane
I was really touched by your comment on focusing about what Christmas IS, not what it ISN’T. I think I’ve been subconsciously doing that this holiday season and I love my attitude change. It’s made the holidays so much more enjoyable (and less stressful) because of this shift in priorities. Happy holidays to you, Tim, & the kids!
I’m right there with you, feeling like I didn’t get my dream tree this year. We have a fake tree and it’s white, so a little atypical. This is the 5th year having it and the lights no longer works so IO had to string outdoor icicle lights on it, which looks tacky but they were the only ones I had with white cording. There’s only ornaments on the top 12 inches or so because the toddler has taken off all the rest. Next year, we plan to get a real tree. =)