Congratulations are in order! After nearly 9 years of hard work and dedication, I have finally unlocked the “Weird Mom” achievement in parenting. You, too, can successfully reach this parenting boss level, but you’ll need master many important skills along the way.
With the excellent examples of my mother, sisters, and even a friend or two, I embarked on this parenting journey. I felt confident I, too, could hear my daughter proclaim, “You’re weird, mom!” This phrase might feel as though it comes out of the blue, but I’ve been preparing for this for years; mastering skills, collecting tools, and defeating mini-bosses along the way.
I have successfully unlocked the following skills:
1. Dancing outrageously to popular music, until I reached the boss level and successfully heard, “That is the worst dance ever, mom. You look weird.”
2. Singing off-tune with abandon (this also makes you cool at an earlier stage in the parenting game).
3. Kissing my husband where the kids can see.
4. Crying while reading emotional scenes from Harry Potter.
5. Randomly saying famous lines from movies, such as “As you wish.”
6. Challenging my kids to a eye-roll off (I totally win).
7. Speaking my own brand of gibberish when they are persistent, not listening, or need a silly distraction.
8. Trying out retro hair and make up tutorials. (“You look better without that stuff on your eyes, Mom.”)
9. Causing my daughter to worry that I might embarrass her in front of her friends.
I could not have reached this milestone alone. I would like to send shout-outs to the individuals who participated in co-op levels along the way:
1. My husband, Tim. Also a poor dancer, off-key singer, participator in PDA, and all-around annoying guy.
2. My children’s friends, who have shown them the ways of eye rolls and sighing.
3. My mother, who mastered “Weird Mom” in the ’80s and taught me phrases that frustrate children from every generation, such as “If wishes were fishes, we’d all live in the sea.”
If your children are 5 and under, do not attempt to unlock this level. Focus your efforts mini bosses, such as “Mom Who Survived Public Tantrum,” “Functions on Three Continuous Hours of Sleep Mom,” and “Mom Who Didn’t Cry at Kindergarten Drop Off.”
Don’t despair, though. You can unlock the “Worst Mom Ever” and “Best Mom Ever” achievements daily with kids of any age. I’ve already collected the coins from these twice today and it’s not even noon yet.