I don’t read like the ideal version of someone who goes on a 3 month adventure abroad. I’m a 35 year-0ld, overweight, pregnant, sometimes depressed, mom of 3. My previous international experience includes trips across the Canadian border from my native Washington. I have embarked on two long-distance US family road trips, one with a 2 month-old breastfeeding baby as a companion. 3 months visiting 2 foreign countries, however, is a whole new level of adventure for me.
I’d resisted study and internships abroad in the past; my limitations too glaring, the “what-ifs” ringing in my head. It’s hard to pin point exactly what changed over the past year, but I grew tired of giving my pessimistic inner voice such influence over my choices. I wanted to see what would happen if I turned my “what ifs” on their heads, and gave the optimist in me a chance. This voice asked, “What if I take a risk? – What if I see amazing sites? – What if it’s difficult sometimes? – What if it tests my limits? – What if I discover new things about myself? – What if I expand my worldview? – What if I’m up to the challenge? – What if I love it?”
So, I took a leap and said “Yes” to a 4 week study abroad in France, loans and all. Then “Yes” to 10 weeks in England for an internship opportunity. I won’t lie and say I never felt fear or trepidation, that I didn’t doubt myself, that packing felt surreal and insane. But it also felt freeing and exciting. I don’t always acknowledge it, but I’ve looked fear and pessimism in the face many times in my life, conquering both through risk-taking moves, leaps of faith, and rising to the challenge. I’d been preparing for this trip for a lifetime; I just didn’t know it.
These three months have tested my resilience, patience, physical health, emotional health, relationships, comfort levels, and problem-solving skills more than any other experience in my life. And I am certainly not the ideal candidate for this kind of adventure – for many reasons within my own control. Surprisingly, however, this adventure is the ideal experience for a person like me.
Many – if not most – of my what-ifs have occurred, on both sides of the spectrum- leaving out extremes of kidnapping and receiving honorary knighthood. I’ve been pushed to my limits and realized that I could keep going and continue trying. I have literally faced a steep hill, pushing a stroller, and wondered if I could make it the rest of the way to our flat. I pushed on, one step at a time, until I reached our door. I’ve been ready to give up on a day out with poorly behaved kids, only to recognize the walk, train ride, or amazing sites required me to find something more within myself. And I did.
My wit’s end, my body’s limitations, and my emotional capacity are all up to greater challenges then I imagined. Some days, the challenges have conquered me, especially in the beginning. Sometimes I’m grumpy. I withdraw. I complain. I give my husband a hard time. I grimace in pain. I scold myself for choosing pregnancy and this adventure simultaneously. I get frustrated with homesick kids. I wonder if I have more time in me.
But I never regret.
I walk farther than I ever have, feeling the strength in my legs. I drink more water to feel hydrated, feeling it cleanse me. I travel to unknown places, three kids in tow, trusting Google Maps and the kindness of strangers. I’ve watched my kids experience the world in new ways, witnessing awe alight their faces. I’ve held my husband’s hand in wondrous places and felt my baby kick in lands oceans away from home. I’ve been embarrassed by language barriers and made tremendous friends.
I’ve learned that sometimes, when things don’t turn out the way I imagined, they’re even better. And, when they are harder, things are what I make of them – and I am up to the challenge.
I’ve found myself worrying less and doing more. I try. I see. I experiment. I take the day as it comes.
You see, I am Strong. Bold. Resilient. Capable. Adventurous. I am a Conqueror of what-ifs. I Can. I Will. I Am.
Kudos… I wish I had the strength!
You do. 😉
Hey Mindy! Awesome job. What were you studying in France?? French, perhaps?
My husband was studying, actually. It was a law school internship. Thanks for the encouragemetn!
This sounds like an AWESOME opportunity!
Thinking about what-ifs is great to a point. Impulsiveness is just as bad as indecisiveness. However, there does come a point when worry about all the what-ifs causes problems too. The key is finding a balance.
You sound a lot like me. I let what ifs take over way too much of my life sometimes. I would LOVE to live abroad for a few months! Our biggest conquering of the what if came 2 years ago when we decided to pack up and move across the country and we have absolutely no regrets. Taking that chance is so important…congrats!
And just think of the lessons you have taught your children! They will always remember this and I am sure it will have long lasting effects on their spirits and their need for adventure.
What a wonderful message and an amazing example to your children! It’s so healthy to push boundries and really find out what you are capable of. Even if you don’t succeed, most lessons are learned in the doing of the task! Bravo!
Wow! What an amazing experience. I think I would have let the “what-ifs” get in my way and wouldn’t have been able to go!