I woke up abruptly at 3 am, wide awake, the weekend replaying in my mind. Scenes of my daughter asking me to play dolls, wanting to chat, hoping I would build a snowman with her cycled through my head. I could see her aching for attention and me, self-centered and distracted, at the center of it all. I blogged just last Tuesday about parenting in the now, then royally failed at doing so this weekend.
I have a handful of excuses for my attitude. I was tired, she was contrary, a spin on the ice in my mini-van shook me up, I have a cold, the snow is freezing, she had the neighbor to play with, and I didn’t feel like playing dolls. Guilt nagged at me all weekend, but I ignored it; too caught up in my own excuses.
My parenting instincts allow for grace and imperfection. I don’t believe in hitting myself over the head with my plethora of mistakes. But I got it wrong this weekend and my daughter felt it. She expected more; as she should.
The alarm woke me up promptly at 7 am and I dashed up the stairs to see my girl. I couldn’t change the weekend, but I could start new again today. I snuggled next to her and asked if she’d like to build a snowman after school with me. She instantly responded in the affirmative, cuddling close to me, and offering me her trust and a second chance.
I sent the kids to school, then sat at my computer feeling like a bit of a blogging fraud. My blogging is often aspirational and Tuesday’s post was no exception. When I blog, I’m encouraging myself as much as anyone else by focusing on the good.
I don’t blog because I know all of the answers. I write because I’m seeking them. When I hit upon something that is working or promising or even a cautionary tale, I share it as much for myself as my readers.
My blog is a real look at my life, where I include struggles with depression, times I don’t know the answers, and parenting fails. But I’m often sharing the lesson learned, tips from experience, and the “after” photos. My blog represents my everyday, but with an eye toward hope, inspiration, and encouragement – all things that I need as a parent.
Today felt like the day to admit (again) that sometimes I am a parenting mess; the epitome of imperfect parenting. I get bored, distracted, down, obstinate, and frustrated. I ignore my own advice. I let my family down. I wait to write until I can wrap an experience up with some meaning.
If you’re in the parenting trenches today; if you feel like a parenting failure; if it’s taking all that you have to muster enthusiasm for another round of catch, you are not alone. Your “after” photos are coming, your second chances, your lesson that helps you try again tomorrow. I know, because today I’m feeling it too.
This article is a great reminder for me to not get caught up in distractions – phone, making shopping or to do lists, chores, etc., when I should be stopping and focusing on my child. There are times when we have to take care of daily tasks as parents, but it can be easy to forget to sit down and play sometimes.
This is encouraging to read and is a good reminder!
Thank you times a million for this. Sometimes I feel like I get way too caught up in trying to keep the house clean, or the laundry done and I am losing precious time with my boy. I always see things like cleaning is forever, but babies aren’t always babies. I immediately drop what I’m doing to play with my son, but then I catch myself doing it again in a day or two. I’m trying to remember that my baby needs me more than the cleaning does.
Thank you for thus reminder. I work from home and sometimes I get way too distracted. My baby should always be priority number one. I have to remember to be present for him.
I’ll definitely be saving this. I know I’ll need the encouragement as my LO gets older and life gets in the way of me being the parent I want to be.
Thanks for this post .. I always see myself as my own way of being a mom. I don’t like to compare to other moms like others do. I have met those mothers and I always tell them that every babies are different.
I’m guilty of this too! Always strive to do better, but somehow end up back in the same spot! I think recognizing it is an important step!
We all get this way and this was a good reminder not to beat yourself up. Winter is the worst because it is cold and you often can’t get out as much.